Despite going on the weed while I go off my meds. I’m starting to feeling miserable again.
I have no motivation and my mom is going to be here in less than 2 weeks and I need to get the house in order. Ugh.
I wish that I felt better. I’m so afraid of going on a brand new pill. Blech.
Currently I am taking pristiq which your insurance has to basically approve. I’ve been on it for over a year now and I went to switch pharmacies to something closer to home and the insurance denied my pills. They are like 650 dollars if they are not covered and frankly not worth it. I’m getting off of it as soon as possible. I need to get pills from my shrink to actually go off it and I’m down to six pills.
Last night was a load of fun, me and SiL hung out and watched some TV together, had long conversations and a few beers. I love that girl.
Hubby joined us as we explored the house that is being built next door. It reminded me of being a kid it was fun.
Today was a better day. Not because my depression improved but because I decided to listen to my BFF and try to make myself happy instead of waiting passively by for my pills and situation to fix anything. I love how she talks to me because she doesn’t hold her punches and as a fellow bipolar understand how things are. Not just anyone can do it but I appreciate that she does.
The minute I woke up I literally started mopping the floors, they are still covered with some dust from the build. They are finally starting to look like nice wood instead of some dusty old wood from a barn. It felt good to accomplish something. When hubby came home we walked around our block with the dogs since it was such a beautiful day. I think I am going to work on exercising every day it seems to pump me up some.
Tomorrow our fridge and washer and dryer get here so I can finally get all the laundry done from California. It’s been filling corners of the washroom and bedroom. There is a lot! It’s going to take me several days to get it all done but at least tomorrow I can finally start.
Tomorrow I also see my psychiatrist to get my pristiq increased. Should be an interesting day all in all.
I also finally get to shop for real food and cook a real meal if I so choose! Woot.
I’m woke up crying and then spent the day in physical pain and stomach rolling illness. Is this because if the medication?
There are some theories that even being on the pills for a few days and quitting can make you ill, that sure does seem to be the case. Either way I am not much up to writing.
I did step out and got some hobby shit to do, hook rugs, paints, puzzles just things to keep my brain active on something besides itself.
I have no idea if they will help or if I will even attempt to do them. I guess we shall see. For now I am going to try and get some sleep so I can stop feeling like someone ran me over with an 18 wheeler.
Today I was feeling itchy and coughing like usual when I thought hey maybe this might be something the shrink should know. It might be because of the lithium right? Then I was writing a list so I wouldn’t forget anything kind of going over my body point by point and found this tender lump on my throat near my collar bone. That kind of freaked me out so I called the shrink right away, no answer. Paged him and he called me back but kind of politely gave me shit for using the paging for a non-emergency. Told me he would call me back later.
So I waited until 7:30pm and decided to go out to the pier and take my daily pictures. It was freaking cold, the waves were high and we ended up having to buy hoodies because I was wearing a tank and he was wearing a T-shirt. I don’t mind I can never have enough hoodies. We hung around for about an hour it was really nice. I am going to miss the ocean. I won’t miss the people here but that ocean I love to sit near it and think.
Anyhow I got home about 30 minutes ago and lo and behold the doctor calls. I shouldn’t be alarmed by the tummy issues and the itching, he is testing my blood on Thursday or Friday. I need to go see a doctor about the lump though, his best guess is it’s a swollen lymph-node but since he is not that kind of doctor and is talking by phone he didn’t really want to guess.
I don’t think Doctors realize how hard it is for an anxious person to go and get their blood taken when things in the tummy aren’t sitting right. I guess I’ll wait and I now have to go back to the walk-in to see someone. I really miss Omaha right now, where the doctors actually give a crap, you know?
Even paying 350.00 cash can’t make a doctor pretend to care here and this new one under insurance.. well I’d replace him if I wasn’t leaving in 35 days..
A Bipolars Reality 