Today I was feeling itchy and coughing like usual when I thought hey maybe this might be something the shrink should know. It might be because of the lithium right? Then I was writing a list so I wouldn’t forget anything kind of going over my body point by point and found this tender lump on my throat near my collar bone. That kind of freaked me out so I called the shrink right away, no answer. Paged him and he called me back but kind of politely gave me shit for using the paging for a non-emergency. Told me he would call me back later.
So I waited until 7:30pm and decided to go out to the pier and take my daily pictures. It was freaking cold, the waves were high and we ended up having to buy hoodies because I was wearing a tank and he was wearing a T-shirt. I don’t mind I can never have enough hoodies. We hung around for about an hour it was really nice. I am going to miss the ocean. I won’t miss the people here but that ocean I love to sit near it and think.
Anyhow I got home about 30 minutes ago and lo and behold the doctor calls. I shouldn’t be alarmed by the tummy issues and the itching, he is testing my blood on Thursday or Friday. I need to go see a doctor about the lump though, his best guess is it’s a swollen lymph-node but since he is not that kind of doctor and is talking by phone he didn’t really want to guess.
I don’t think Doctors realize how hard it is for an anxious person to go and get their blood taken when things in the tummy aren’t sitting right. I guess I’ll wait and I now have to go back to the walk-in to see someone. I really miss Omaha right now, where the doctors actually give a crap, you know?
Even paying 350.00 cash can’t make a doctor pretend to care here and this new one under insurance.. well I’d replace him if I wasn’t leaving in 35 days..
A Bipolars Reality 
Doctors kinda care. You do pay their salary. So they want you to be ok so you can come back.
Repeat business.
Sorry, I’m not feeling my normal new self today. Get checked out. It’s the best for you
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As usual I relate to your post so much, in all sorts of ways. I love the ocean too and I’m SO glad you got to go by there after a hard day.
Re: pdocs- well, truthfully, I feel that a fair share of shrinks are really messed up psychologically, & that’s a primary reason gravitate to that specialty. My former shrink used to tell me all his problems and he had 3 patients tragically kill themselves in one year. Then he almost lost his license for overprescribing meds (which can happen to any pdoc, to be fair) but still….and despite all that, I really liked him, but I stopped feeling that way when I found out he was trash talking about me to my husband. I had been SO loyal to him but that discovery killed it.
I have a good psychiatrist now – he’s unusual. First of all he figured out to give me the MAOI that saved my life – the drug that is used for “last-resort” patients like me, who have treatment-resistant bipolar depression.
When I cancelled on him at the last minute last week and sent him 50% of his usual fee, per his policy, he wound up telling me he was going to give me back 1/2 of that amount since I had a sick kid. How many shrinks do that?
Hang in there, sweetie, with the physical crap, and I’m praying my butt off right now for you. Smooches and hugs.
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