side effects

When I first woke up I was just groggy and dozed on and off for a while. When it was time for me to go my head was hurting a little but not so bad really. Just a slight headache and I was nauseated but my stomach was definitely off. It just felt weird.

I think the worst part is that I am experiencing a lot of anxiety. I’m anxious about being alone tomorrow. I’m anxious about side effects that haven’t occurred yet. I’m worried about taking my anti anxiety meds. I am sure the anxiety will pass but it makes me hesitate to repeat the process.

I think that I will decide after tomorrow. I do feel better than I first did. I wish I could find something that made my stomach feel settled. My brain would feel settled. I am just off.

By the way why does and anestsia (sp?) hurt so fucking much when it enters your vein. We’ll see how it goes. Least my memory is ok so far.

I’m glad they decided to go with unilateral though. I think that bilateral would have been worse.

Today I was feeling itchy and coughing like usual when I thought hey maybe this might be something the shrink should know. It might be because of the lithium right? Then I was writing a list so I wouldn’t forget anything kind of going over my body point by point and found this tender lump on my throat near my collar bone. That kind of freaked me out so I called the shrink right away, no answer. Paged him and he called me back but kind of politely gave me shit for using the paging for a non-emergency. Told me he would call me back later.

So I waited until 7:30pm and decided to go out to the pier and take my daily pictures. It was freaking cold, the waves were high and we ended up having to buy hoodies because I was wearing a tank and he was wearing a T-shirt. I don’t mind I can never have enough hoodies. We hung around for about an hour it was really nice. I am going to miss the ocean. I won’t miss the people here but that ocean I love to sit near it and think.

Anyhow I got home about 30 minutes ago and lo and behold the doctor calls. I shouldn’t be alarmed by the tummy issues and the itching, he is testing my blood on Thursday or Friday. I need to go see a doctor about the lump though, his best guess is it’s a swollen lymph-node but since he is not that kind of doctor and is talking by phone he didn’t really want to guess.

I don’t think Doctors realize how hard it is for an anxious person to go and get their blood taken when things in the tummy aren’t sitting right. I guess I’ll wait and I now have to go back to the walk-in to see someone. I really miss Omaha right now, where the doctors actually give a crap, you know?

Even paying 350.00 cash can’t make a doctor pretend to care here and this new one under insurance.. well I’d replace him if I wasn’t leaving in 35 days..