Today I woke up in a completely different place than I did yesterday. I laughed at something my husband said to me about 5 minutes after I woke up. It was nice, my husband is so awesome at making me laugh, sometimes even when I am at my darkest. When I am depressed he always asks if there is something he can do to help. Usually there isn’t but it’s so awesome that he wants me to feel better.
Last night I had a dream that I lived in a house with a group of people and all these other people kept coming over and touching my stuff, it was really pissing me off. Even touching the phone set me off on a rant. What a weird dream to have, I wonder what it means. I don’t have people over to my house very often. I used to have a weekly dinner with my sister in law and mother in law but I started shutting myself off when the depression got to be too much. I think I need to start having them over again.
Today I think I’ll have another relaxing Sunday where I just sit and listen to music for a couple/few hours. Music is really a part of me, even if I don’t play an instrument. Even when I’m depressed I sometimes listen to music so I can zone out and forget about how I’m feeling. Isn’t it wonderful to have something so simple be so helpful?
Well off to listen to some tunes, hope you have a wonderful day.
Today I woke up and decided that I just wanted to listen to music for a little bit. Four hours later my husband is asking me what I want for dinner and I’m shocked that so much time had passed. I didn’t think I could enjoy music just as much not stoned as stoned but today proved me wrong. I had the same relaxing feeling of just laying back and listening to my favorite tunes and dozing. hehe.
Not much else happened today but I did say I would write my blog every day.
I am feeling the urge to create. Usually I do this with painting or creating dimensions in Rift but my mind is completely blank!
My mood has been better lately, not the best today but still better than it has been in the past. I suppose my meds are working somewhat. That’s a good thing. However I am stuck in the worst possible rut and feel like saying meh every time I come up with a thought to do something. It’s annoying.
I thought maybe I could at least write but even now as I am writing the words are struggling to come out.
It’s really pissing me off.
I’m listening to music hoping it will help, it’s not doing much so far except I am enjoying some of my favorite songs so I guess that is something.
It’s so hard to describe how I am feeling, honestly I feel like I’m on the treadmill of life, it doesn’t go anywhere but at least I’m moving.
I suppose it is all better than being so depressed I can’t get out of bed and I should be grateful for the positive things that are going on in my life. I mean I’m blessed. I have a wonderful supportive husband, I got some great family and I have a gorgeous grandson that is almost a year old. Sadly I’ve never met him. I collect pictures and videos my daughter sends me though.
anyhow I apparently have nothing to write so I give up for now.
I forgot to write my blog yesterday because I was watching a show when my alarm went off and thought for sure I would remember later.. I did not.
Yesterday I was pretty miserable. Today I am just highly anxious about next week. Listening to my crush sing for a while helped a little though. Made me stop thinking for a bit. Every time I want a little pick me up I watch the videos on YouTube and it gives me a tiny lift if I am not at rock bottom. Maybe this means I’m on the way to an upswing. *fingers crossed*
I did try to nap today though but it was because of the anxiety, not the depression. Was not successful my brain just never shuts up.
Next week I have to go and sign the papers that sell our old home and I have to go to the INS for my new permanent resident. I rarely go out and when I do I usually prefer not to be where people are, but I have to go to both of these things and I have to interact. Terrifying I tell ya. I just have to remember that my anti-nausea meds and mint gum are my best friends in those situations.
Music sounds good today, that’s a really good sign. I’m afraid to hope though.
I’ve been kind of blocking the fact that hubby is leaving Monday for 5 days. Today he brought it up and now I’ve been obsessing about it. I’m so glad my mom in law is coming to stay with me. I don’t know that I could do 4 whole days with no outer contact. I was trying to listen to music but it seemed like every song that came on had something to do with missing someone. I got teary and shut the music off.
The new weed is not that great. It makes me over eat and makes me just want to lounge. I prefer something that keeps my body moving.. ah well.
I’m gonna go spend time with hubby while I can.
*these are the songs I listen to when I am feeling suicidal and they usually bring me out of it* It’s not a list to play while you kill yourself. Call someone for help if you are feeling that way and can’t get out of it.
Switchfoot – Meant to Live
Three Days Grace – Never Too Late, Pain
Breaking Benjamin – Close to Heaven
Seether – Broken Featuring Amy Lee
Skillet – Awake and Alive
Give them a listen and see what you think, it’s just a few I would have to put way more effort into the whole list. I’m still creating it on pandora.
I have several songs that I listen to when I am feeling suicidal and they make me feel if not better at least under control.
They are songs about fighting for your life, even if the monster is within you.
I’ll have to put together a list, maybe they’ll help someone else.
I always get a feeling of dread on Sunday. I start thinking about all the time I will be spending alone the next week before the weekend comes. I honestly live for the weekend and than I don’t even do anything with them
All I’ve been doing is listening to music and pulling into myself. Not sure why, but you can tell all the music I am listening to has kind negative feelings though sometimes they are super upbeat songs. They just remind me of how I feel sometimes.
I need to grab hubby and do something.. I’m gonna do that now.
Today I have been having feelings, like a range of them. I wouldn’t think much about it except that I have been only really feeling two the last several months. Sad mostly, with a touch of happy here or there. I guess three if you count terror as an emotion.
None of these feelings were out of place. I was hurt because of something someone did. I cried because of a sad story that I read. I got angry because I felt betrayed a little. I also got happy because I listened to some music. It is all rather nice. It’s better than I’ve felt in a while. I’ll take it one day at a time.
I decided not to go to my doctors. I’m going to see if my shrinks advice, meds and help work to fix my issues first. I promised hubby if things didn’t improve in a month I would go to the doctors though. I’m hoping I don’t have to.
I think I am going to try and get back to my happy place and put on some music and play some World of Warcraft.
Trying hard to be easier on myself. I’m still smoking the weed, but I will be out in a couple days and will decide if I will get more then not now.
I’ve been up feeling like shit physically and it’s dragging me down. So I decided to put on some music and see if that would help. Funnily enough it did. I always forget the positive effect that music has in my life.
I put on some up beat dance music and even danced a little as I sang my favorites at the top of my lungs. It definitely helped some of my anxiety, well until I thought about it too much.
Does music affect your moods?