I Feel Weird

I’m not super happy, I am not depressed. I can’t really explain the way I am feeling.

I’m smiling at things, I’m frowning at things. It’s weird. I hope this isn’t what normal feels like cause I won’t be having any of that.

I am still tired. I can not get enough sleep. Tons of REM, very little of anything else.

I need to go out today. I want to show an adventure with my pictures when I go out. Gotta keep up with the BFF 😛

I don’t think this is normal cause it feels almost numb, I guess that would be closer to depression that anything. Blech is a good descriptive word.

Definitely having some disassociation going on. Maybe that is the full problem. The feeling that I am watching everything from the outside in. ..

I want to run.. like just leave and run and run and run.. sitting still just isn’t going very well for me right now.. Everyday it gets worse. I know it’s because I want to leave and go home to Omaha. It will get worse. Until I am like a kid who has had to much sugar.

God I wish I wasn’t so fucking fat so I could run and not worry about killing myself.. okay now I’m getting pissed off.. moods I tell ya

5 comments

  1. I hate those sort of feelings and I hate suddenly getting cross, too. Yeah, I’m trying to lose the weight I put on last year so I can go long distance running again without killing my knees! That will be awesome, when it happens.
    Good luck.

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  2. Those feelings to me are the worse being that you can’t identify them. I myself have days as such. As for the running, do little by little. Any type of progression is always good. Let me know how it goes. 🙂

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  3. I think disassociation is a great word to describe this. I’ve had days, moods, feelings where I feel like I’m an alien who has been dropped into a body that isn’t my own. I’ve found that doing something grounding or ‘normal’ like seeing a good stable friend can help bring me out of it. It can take hours of being around others but it can work. I hope your day went well and your mood has shifted.

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  4. It’s been happening to me a lot lately. I care then I just don’t.
    And for me, I’ve been eating more and exercising and I’m still the same size. I work retail and I have a badge with my name and picture on it. Guy I was helping asked if someone had switched my name tag because I didn’t look anything like it anymore. Depression is just depressing.

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