October was not that great to be honest. I was depressed most of the time and spent many, well every day stoned off my ass.
November I started to feel something different. Not quite full happiness but I was wanting to do somethings and be involved. I laughed often. I was also stoned off my ass every day.
Today I am sad. I have legit reasons to feel sad. I’m lonely. My mom left. You know legit shit like that. I hope the meds are working and this is just normal emotions, I’ve felt numb for so long it is hard to tell what is what.
I have way more reasons I should be happy and yet here I am, not happy. Also feeling guilty about not writing while my mom visited as much. I only get so little time with her though.
I’ve signed up for another year for my blog so I guess I’m going to be here for a awhile.
Because I am already upstairs on the computer I am going to write my blog today. If I had not been up here I would probably have not even bothered.
I woke up not sad. It was nice. Went for a walk around the block with my mom. Painted a little and now am doing this all because the TV sucks. Maybe I’ll watch some anime.
Hope ya’ll are having a good day.
Today is the birthday of my BFF. She’s been dead for over a year so when her birthday comes up it hurts a lot. I miss her so much. She really knew how to motivate me.
MY visit with my mom is going OK even though I feel like I am coming down with a cold or something.
Saturday we are having a paint and wine night. That should be fun 🙂
Still taking my new meds even though the insurance company denied my prescription I will have to rely on samples I guess until we switch insurance companies at the top of the year.
Well that’s it, nothing exciting.
Forgot to mention I am non-stop anxious. Fun fun.
Yesterday I started my new meds. Needless to say I’m depressed still. Don’t expect much, Ran out of weed.
It’s gonna be a rough couple of days.
Might be a good thing, might not. We’ll see.
I don’t have much to entertain my mom.
So my mom is here for a month so my blogging may be messed up.
I decided that I couldn’t go to Colorado, it’s just too much stress.
I made dinner last night and tonight instead of take out.
My mom came yesterday that is why I didn’t post. Plus I had mom in law and sis in law and some kids over as well.
Tonight we’re going to watch the remake of rocky horror picture show, stoned off our asses.
A sentence is a good start to having something to write. All I have is that sentence though.
I did some laundry yesterday but did nothing today but chill. I figure my mom will keep me busy over the next month after she gets here.
Chilling is OK. Sometimes you just have to smoke and relax and not worry about everything else going on. I’m still depressed really need to start the new meds.
I want to do some things, does that mean the depression is leaving? I dunno, I’m not actually motivated enough to do anything of the things I want to do.
Need to get ready for mom, since she will be here in less than a week. So need to dust and vacuum the guest bedroom and bathroom. I just need to get off my lazy ass.
6 days and counting.
My mom is going to be here in a week. She’ll stay for a month or so. Usually we have a pretty good hang. I’m looking forward to it actually. I’m even looking forward to my trip to Colorado but still terrified, you know THAT feeling.
Haven’t felt motivated today at all, just am honestly blogging because I thought of it. I don’t want to be a quitter. I do enjoy writing about how I am feeling. Right now I am feeling umm trapped kinda, it’s weird. Though since I rarely go outside, I can truly understand why I would feel that way.
Depression is lingering, not motivated like I said before. Like right right there…^
Today was uneventful. I woke up slightly pissy but decided to get out of bed and face the day. It’s turned out to be ok. Yesterday I thought that I was starting to slide down hill again but today like I said, I’m OK. Being ok is a lot better than a lot of other alternatives.
I’ve checked my email a 100 times or more waiting for our closing email. I am supposed to hear something this week. I hope that they do it early like Monday or Tuesday. Waiting the whole week is gonna give me acid stomach. I know I shouldn’t be stressed cause it is out of my control but I can’t help but be anxious. It’s going to be exciting to know we have 45 days til closing and every day makes that time longer.
My mom and I talked today, she is coming to visit in July and I think that she is staying a month. That should be interesting. Interesting as in the fortune, may you live in interesting times. If I can get some weed for it, then it will be easy cause I’l.l just keep her stoned and happy lol. Cross your fingers that I can get a deal before then.
For some reason I just started having a little anxiety. Too much stress I guess.. Must breathe.