tears

Pissed

Today I am angry. I woke up and felt so anxious that I screamed at the top of my lungs scaring the shit out of my poor dogs. It helped a little I suppose.

Most of the day has just been spent on the web trying to find things that might make me smile or laugh.

I love animal pictures and stories. You know the happy ones. Of course I came across some sad ones that were also happy, you know like a dog getting abandoned and then getting rescued by some kind souls.

I almost hate people who hurt animals. They fucking love us with everything, we should treat them as good as they were our own children. The fact that people can be like that just makes me wonder if the world wouldn’t be better if all the humans were gone.

I’m angry that my mind has so much control over me. I mean I know it controls everything but I’m talking about those voices that constantly talk in our heads. I’d like my brain to give me an atta girl once in a while, would be nice.

I plan on being 2 more days without weed. It has made no difference other than I can’t eat as much and since I am losing weight I would like to keep going. I am over 50 pounds down now. I guess that is an accomplishment. Would be much better if I could stop hating myself.

Blech

 

Tears Fall Down

I’m incredibly emotional today. I am crying at the drop of the hat.

It’s not like it is even for a reason. I started crying watching anime. I started crying cause my husband gave me a compliment. I started crying because I wanted something sweet.

I realize I am a rapid cycler. I realize that I am obviously not at the perfect dose of medication and may even need a combination of medications to make things more balanced.

I am also bitchy, but the teary seems to be the stronger of emotions.

I hate days like this. I am really looking forward to my therapy and shrink session this week.

Oh! I imagine the mole thing is also bugging me in the back of my mind. Nothing like having an epiphany while writing your blog.

Sorry for the short blog but honestly I am not feeling motivated today. I just know that I must post.

Going to lay back and listen to the rain and try to relax.