Don’t Think I Am Going Back

Three times and all I feel is messed up. Nothing feels like it should be the way that it’s supposed to. I just feel so off and feel like I have undone months and months of work towards going outside. I’m not happier. In fact every time I wake up I feel more confused and feel like I’ve been emotionally ripped apart and put back together high and fucked up.

I hate how I’ve been feeling. I hate it. Nothing feels right. Everything in my life feels wrong since I started and I just don’t think it is going to make me feel good when it is making me feel so damn bad. I think that I’ll go back to trying pills again..

At least I tried.. That’s all you can do.


  1. Babe, I hate to chap your ass, but you knew the side effects going in. I personally think you’re being a little premature in quitting but I’ll support you in whatever you do. The grass is not always greener on the other side. Go back and read some of the stuff you wrote when you were struggling with pills and try to remember why you felt ECT was your best shot at happiness.

    I’m in your corner no matter what, but you’ve only half tried if you only complete half of the minimum sessions suggested.


  2. I quit after 4 treatments. After a few weeks and I’m totally back to normal, I wish I would have done all 12. I plan on saving up my portion of the insurance fee and taking a planned medical leave in the future.if you Abe the time off now, do it. I not want to start all over, but even the 4 treatments I had helped my emotional regulation and impulse control a lot.
    Weeks after you are finish you will feel normal again. But I know how you feel in the thick of it, it’s the hardest thing I’ve ever done.
    Do what feels right, but keep the future in mind to. ❤️


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