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Mood : Stressed and Melancoly

I know I talk about my husband a lot. I know I am very fortunate to have someone who supports me. I am not a support group kind of person because I am very passionate about people not generalizing and therapy just doesn’t work for me. I tend to get over things that happened in the past. Do they affect who I am? Well probably but talking about them is not going to change the way I feel.

This morning my husband was reading this article.

http://www.healthcentral.com/bipolar/cf/slideshows/5-rules-for-bipolar-relationships/?ap=825#slide=1

Which I thought was wonderful. He tries very hard to understand everything he can about my illness. I wish that he had an outlet but when he went to the spousal support boards he found them to be more negative then positive. I went to check it out because I thought maybe he was exaggerating because he didn’t want to use it, but it really was a bit of a downer. It seemed every other post was about someone leaving their bipolar partner or having to deal with their infidelity.

For those people that kind of support may work, however for someone like my husband he needs a place where he can rant but not be told how much better his life would be without me. So if anyone has any suggestions I would love to pass them on to him. I know dealing with me is very hard on him as he is a fixer. I may have mentioned that before I think. He always wants to be able to make me feel better, when I am depressed it is really hard on him as well as me because there is really little he can do but occasionally make me laugh or smile. Which honestly is something wondrous in of itself.

I wish he could talk to me about me, but since I have such a fragile ego I don’t think it would be helpful to either of us. As it is my self esteem is pretty much non-existent no matter how many times he tells me how beautiful or smart or wonderful he finds me. Which also drives him bonkers and gets him frustrated.

Couples therapy obviously won’t work cause our relationship is strong but he already hears everything I think and feeling and I think he needs his own private time to deal with stuff. Which honestly also scares the hell out of me. What if he sees someone who suggests he leaves me, what if he meets someone at an online support group and they fall madly in love and he leaves me.. ugh.. You see a theme here? Ya and he even knows that I am writing that and says.. that’s your bipolar brain talking.. Which he is right he knows how it works.

So I need to think about this less selfishly and hopefully find him some kind of support..

Mood: How about Meh.. with a touch of can’t sit still or find anything to do.

I was recently reading one of the many support boards and there were some suggested blogs.. It really just made me mad more than anything. We as bipolars are our best support system and our worst enemies.

A Rant

You know what I absolutely hate? When bipolars decide that their experiences pertain to everyone.

Examples:

We are unable to have relationships. (it’s hard but we can do it with an understanding supportive partner)

It’s not true that bipolars are violent. (some are/were) I tried to strangle my mother once in a fit of bipolar rage! I struck out at my husband with my fist and and severely hurtful words.

It’s not true that bipolars are promiscuous. (some are/were) this happens to be one of the reasons that many bipolar relationships end in divorce. ( as I said one)

It’s not true that we can’t be cured. (we can’t be cured just treated, there are medications and treatments that can assist people. Some people however never get the right treatment. Congratulations functioning bipolars!)

Movies don’t portray us correctly. (some movies don’t portray you correctly) A good example of this is Silver Linings Playbook. This movie cut me to the bone. I watched it with my husband and mother and father in law and couldn’t finish watching it because a great deal of it reminded me of myself. I felt ashamed and awed. However I have heard that some bipolars found it exaggerated. That’s because… wait for it… We are all different!

Admittedly a lot of movies don’t paint us in a favorable light but anything that get information out there is a good thing. It makes people curious. There will always be the ignorant few that don’t care to learn and that has nothing to do with the movie.

Sorry this is the one thing that really pissed me off today. All of our experiences are unique. We may share attributes with others but we are but one person in a sea of many and to say blatantly that your experience is the same as anyone else’s is well just selfish and thoughtless.

I cannot believe how fired up this got me. I try to read others messages/blogs with an open mind and when I speak I tell it from what has happened to me because I know it varies from person to person.

If someone has all the knowledge, they may know what to expect but when someone singles out certain behavior and refutes others it will alienate the very people who are reading what we write as a support system. No one wants to feel alone. No one is alone. What you are feeling others have felt. Others have also felt what you have not felt.

We as bipolars must stick together as a community because no one will ever understand us quite like one another.

As a little side note, thank you to the people who have commented and followed my blog. I appreciate it very much. I am horrible at responding to comments it makes me feel shy and I come up a blank most of the time but please know that it means a great deal to me.