Mood – contemplative with a touch of happy.

I was reading some wonderful blogs today about various different things and I noticed one common thread. That when we are down we tend to ignore people. Pulling away into ourselves. I myself am certainly guilty of it. I don’t have any friends IRL at all. I know people from gaming. They treat me wonderfully and I am completely upfront with who I am. I think that it works because it’s online. There is  one person I would call my best friend because we have known each other a good 10 years. She is also a bipolar.  So when we both disappear for months at a time when we reconnect and talk like we were never gone.

Most of the people in my life are not as understanding. I tried making friends when I was un-medicated and because of my overtly over sexualized behavior it was like they were drawn to me more than wanting me to be a normal friend.  Flirty and outgoing I seemed to have the choice of who I would choose to befriend and I always chose poorly. I’m fortunate enough that I got medicated before I ended up doing something stupid and ruining my marriage.

So now I just choose to keep it between my husband and myself. He is a very tolerant man and a homebody so this works for us for the most part. Though I do miss the contact with human beings, I don’t think that I am a very good friend. I’m never un-kind, in fact I am generous to fault, but I have no idea how to act around people.  Being outspoken and honest just doesn’t fly in a casual atmosphere and I am horrible at hiding who I really am.

When I work,  I work from home at a job that really just makes me hate people in general. So most of the time I don’t work either The most exposure I get to people is at the dog walk or when my mom comes to visit from Canada. She plans on coming down for 6 months out of the year and I’m thrilled. I get so damned lonely. It’s almost painful. I have no idea how to makes friends even if I wanted to anyhow.

Do you think bipolars can have lasting friendships? How long have your friendships lasted?