I Want To Barf

I finally got up the courage and cut ties with my shrink. I feel like puking now, my hands are shaking my heart is racing. Hello old friend Panic Attack haven’t seen you in a while.

I wonder if I should just see one and let them diagnosis without telling what is actually wrong with me. I mean of course I would offer answers, but I feel like everyone just goes with the easiest course..

She’s Bipolar 1, She’s Bipolar NOS, she’s blah blah blah.. I don’t know I think the first doctor who got me before medication might have know a little more than this last one who saw me partially medicated without any real knowledge of what I was going through.

If someone would have asked me if I had dissociative things happening to me, I would have said no, but I clearly have a lot of leanings this well as well as the bipolar 1.. So maybe I’ll get some real help now that I understand what all these things happening to me really are.

There is nothing worse than telling a doctor you are constantly disconnected from your body and them not even acknowledging it.. Well I start the look today since I am sitting up but mostly numb mode..

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