Delving Back Into The Deep

I woke up so morose today. I didn’t want to get out of bed and I kept thinking about ways to kill myself. I asked hubby to come home for the afternoon to just be safe.

I feel a little better now that I’ve had a glass of wine or two. I know it’s self medicating but I don’t have a choice at the moment since my shrink is out on maternity leave and I can’t get any help from the office.

I’ve asked twice for an increase in my latuda and havent heard a damn thing one way or another. The depression is way outlasting the good and with all the stress on top of it, it can be downright unbearable.

The thing that keeps me going is that I don’t want to be without my husband. It keeps me from the hospital but it also keeps me from going over the edge and killing myself. I know that is probably also unhealthy but for now it works.

I sent out christmas cards to my family tonight, even my father whom has made very little effort to be in my life. At least I got something accomplished.

2 comments

  1. Getting out Christmas cards is a HUGE accomplishments. Honestly, I stopped sending them out years ago, which means I don’t receive any (except from realtors and our insurance agent). If you are truly feeling suicidal, please call the Lifeline at 1-800-273-TALK (8255) or call 911 and go to the ER. Your life is worth it. Praying for you. This is a difficult time of year for many of us.

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  2. Sorry to comment so late in the game here – I am hoping with all my heart that you woke up feeling MUCH MUCH better today! Kitt gives you great advice above, and always remember your husband’s there for you and adores you – I’m thankful you love him so much. He wouldn’t ever want you to hurt yourself…you know that.

    We have a huge storm coming tonight and I may lose power for 2 days, so if you don’t see me here, that’s why. I’ll be thinking of you. xoxoxoxo Dyane

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