I have no idea what to do with myself. I feel like I am just stuck in a hamster wheel and can’t get off.

I’m lonely.

We got a new puppy which is killing some time, you know with training and having to keep an eye on her.  You might think getting a new dog so soon after my baby girl Ren died might seem to soon but I had such a gaping huge whole in my chest that needed something at least wiggle around in there.

I’m 46, I need to do something with my life. I’ve realized that you never know when something is going to happen to you or someone you love.  Why is this not kicking me in the ass to get motivated more? Is it the depression dragging me down. I don’t want to go down there. It’s dark and scary.

Right now is one of those times I wish I had a belief system. I have nothing to fall back on.