Sometimes I Forget

Sometimes I forget just how horrible this mental illness makes me feel.. I don’t mean mentally either. The pills alone cause cloudiness, stomach upset and I swear increase that feel of depersonalization.  They make my body confused as to when it is coming and when it is going.

That’s not the part I forget though, it’s the aches and pains that feel a lot like someone has kicked you over and over again after knocking you down. How lethargic yet sleepless you are at the same damn time. It’s so frustrating. I feel like complete shit. I thought I had a cold but I’m not so sure. I just want to go to bed and sleep forever. This morning I could have done it easily.

If the little girls room didn’t wake me up every few hours I would have probably slept 11hours straight through. I pulled myself out of bed with a lot of struggle, jumped into the shower to wake myself. It didn’t help much just woke me enough to start feeling the aches and pains..

Why, why why why.. does it have to be so shitty?

I dreamt of an abusive ex last night, he rarely shows up except when I am super duper stressed.. I wish I could relax..

We move back to Omaha in July, maybe things will get better before we go.. They can’t get much worse at this point..

Did I mention I feel like SHIT?!?!

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