Ugh

Today I when my blogging alarm went off that was the sound I made, ugh.

Today has been a alright day. Physically I feel off, like my head is full of cotton balls. I hate that, it almost makes me feel like pulling back into a corner and crying.

I have accomplished some things though. I walked to the mailbox with my hubby. I had a shower. I painted my nails. Doesn’t seem like much does it? Yet all of those things  are hard for me to get motivated to do. Sometimes it can be a week or more between showers when I’m in a depressive place. It makes me feel gross and sad. Though I always look fine to everyone else. That’s always been important to me, calmness on the outside while screaming on the inside! Anyone else do this?

Hopefully tomorrow will be a better day physically. I’m not quitting smoking weed but I am going to give myself a few days break, my throat hurts. Plus I see my psychiatrist on Thursday and I want to be able to tell my shrink how I really feel.

I feel motivated but sad and I think the sad will go away as soon as my body stops bothering me.

One comment

  1. Meeeeee, me. I do that! It’s rather recent behavior, the past six months or so… Weeks without washing my hair, shaving, and just plain bathing. Often, though, when I bathe I just ignore my hair. I care enough to disguise it when I am out in public (when I am not intensely hermiting) but not enough to wash it. It’s utterly nonsensical. My libido is non existent so I don’t have that as a motivator to bathe either… This behavior is unlike me. I truly find comfort in stumbling across your blog and reading the small snippet that has been shaming the hell out of me lately, reading that someone else is neglecting soap and water. Yes, makes me feel dirty. And there is a simple cure, ha. But I can’t bring myself to do it. Maddening.

    Like

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