Sleep where art thou

Last night I got a whole 3 hours sleep. 4 the night before. Isn’t it interesting when you are slightly manic that you need no sleep? I adore sleep though, my dreams are so wonderful. A side effect of my meds also give me insomnia. Staying up till all hours while my husband is tucked snoring away frustrates the heck out of me.  I’ve tried sleep aids, Ambien was the absolute worse, it gave me sleep paralysis. I had never heard of it and wish I had never experienced it.  So utterly terrifying not be able to move or speak at all. I think the Ambien glitched something in my brain because when I get exhausted it still happens.

In my dreams I can do anything. I am working on accomplishing that in Real Life but after being housebound for the better part of 20ish years the steps are slow. Taking the dogs to around the block is a huge undertaking and makes me very proud of myself.  I want to be able to go out and eat and play.. One of my main goals is to go to Disneyland.

I live in California and it’s like 30 mins away! The one bad thing about California at least in the area I live in, there are tons of skinny young woman. I’m going to be 45 this year and am overweight and feel so self conscious, it makes it harder for me to go out.  I just picture them making fun of me. I suppose that would make me vain to think they would care but I can’t help it. Anyhow I think I blathered on enough today!

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