Goodbye depression, hello hypomania. I am seriously cycling way to damn fast. I would like to get off the ride of my emotions and just throw up some normal, ya know?
I am sitting here at my computer so restless. Everything that I normally enjoy holds no interest to me. I am so fidgety. I try something for 5 minutes then I need to move on to something else.
I had nightmares all night because I am so stressed my mom is coming. Don’t get me wrong I love my mom to pieces but she actually likes to do things and enjoys a clean home. My sister and my niece (9months old) are coming as well so I have to consciously think about everything that is on the floor. They are going to be here Saturday. *fidget*
I tried cleaning and then I get overwhelmed at least I am getting a room done at a time but then I need to move on to something else. I keep thinking that I have found something that will hold my interest but nope. *fidget* I suppose writing at least holds some interest for me, especially since I promised myself to post at least once a day. I don’t want to write to far ahead though because I don’t want to get stuck on a day when I am supposed to be writing.
Everything is just so much work lately. Even getting out of bed. I rarely even bother to get dressed or even brush my hair unless it is to go for my nightly walk, then I typically just wear some baggy unattractive clothes so I can just get the heck out of here.. Hmm maybe that is what I’ll do go for a walk that will kill 30 minutes and make the puppies happy. I wish I was at a point that I could go out by myself cause I will need to drag hubby away from the game he is enjoying, grrr. *fidget*
In the past hour, I have read some blogs, some support boards, tried several games, tried to watch TV, tried to clean.. Most days are like this, I can’t focus on anything. When I am manic I can focus but that is really the only time. I wish it wasn’t so destructive it really is quite useful when it happens. *fidget fidget*
Well I think I will go for that walk, maybe the fresh air will settle me enough so I can concentrate on one thing for a while instead of bouncing.. I feel like one of those super rubber balls that just never stop..