heartache

My Best Friend Is Dying

AT the end of last week my best friends husband called me to tell me just how far down hill she had gotten. I was told she has two-three weeks to live peacefully at home. I was also told she was experiencing a lot of dementia because of the tumors on her brain.

I feel so much pain right now. I love this woman only second to my husband. She’s the one who always kicks my ass when I’m having a self pity party. She is the only person who calls me Kit. She has made the last 14 years of my love fun and showed me it was okay to care about people.

I’ve spent the last four days high as a kite trying to suppress my heart ache and grief.

Less than a month ago we were talking about her coming to visit me.

I’ve been working on a painting for her and it’s now impossible to paint, my mind has drawn a blank.

I hurt so much. I can’t even imagine how she or her husband feels.

She came on aim and told me she was going to miss me. I’m going to miss her more than I think she can even imagine.

I’m doing horribly at dealing with this and I know self medicating is not the best choice but it’s keeping me from becoming a fucking mess.

Dani, I love you more than you can ever possibly know.