okay

I Don’t Feel Like Posting

I hate that I promised myself I would post every day. Most days I want to but today I just don’t feel up to it.

I’m not depressed. I’m not angry. I’m actually ok.

My husband and I went and sat at the beach and watched the waves and talked about our future. It was nice because this is one of those days that I can actually see the future.

Most days I am too wrapped up in some degree of emotional hell that I can’t see anything past the point of just wanting to go to bed a sleep.

Not being medicated is scary. I remember the way I was and I know the possibility of it happening again is high. We leave next Weds and then I have an appt. set up on July first to start working on my mental health. I just need to last that long. I think I can do it.

Course I don’t know if I control my brain or my brain controls me.. We’ll find out.

I’m Managing

Hubby has been gone for over 24 hours. I managed to sleep last night and only have a little anxiety.

Today has been okay, been wandering the web and finding things to both laugh and hang my head at.  Seriously people are interesting to watch. I don’t generally like to interact with em, but I will voyeur via web or store or whatever. The internet is like a rabbit hole. You start out looking for the most innocent of things and can end up at the most horrific or hilarious.

I always try to be a good person I am no angel and I have done bad things in the past but I don’t think I have ever done anything that would purposely hurt someone. It amazes me that people are constantly doing horrible things to strangers, friends, people at work or even worse the people that they say they love. Murders, abuse of all kinds, lies and deceit.  It makes me sad.

People also do the most hilarious silly things. Things that make you shake your head or laugh. Last night I was in tears reading the autocorrects for texts. Now the phone does the autocorrect but the people post them. They post embarrassing pictures that have been taken of themselves as well.  (I think this includes all selfies) heh

I want to hate people, I really do. I can’t though because it is like watching animals in the zoo, you never know what you are going to see/read/hear next.