I Feel Like An Addict

I finally got my clonazepam and it feels wonderful to not have to worry about not having to worry.. Weird right.  Maybe now I can finally go to the doctor and see what is going on with me since I am pretty sure at this point it is not depression. I have a large swollen area around my spine on my sorta lower back. I am starting to wonder if it might be my kidneys with everything else that is going on.

Hopefully I will be able to start going out again. I was considering not going to the new shrink and staying with this one, even though she makes hubby furious. He thinks that she treats me poorly and doesn’t care about me. I suppose it is true, every time she returned a call she always spoke of money first, then whatever I needed.

I at least don’t have to worry about my clonazepam for a month gives me a few days to sit and think more rationally.  I am torn, stick with what I know and get subpar treatment or move forward and try the new doctors knowing I am leaving in July. Which now hubby tells me is not as positive as I thought it was, he is getting details on Monday.  I actually want to go back so I hope there is no issue. I need to buy a home and settle and be calm.

Staying in this apartment causes me nothing but stress. The constant construction, the inability to just walk out my front or back door into the great outdoors.. I hate it. We can’t afford to buy here unless it is in a bad area, so I wouldn’t want to do those things there anyhow.. Sigh..

Anyhow I’ve bored ya long enough. Though tonight I watched Frozen and if you haven’t seen it, it was absolutely wonderful. Even made me a little teary.. I both love and hate Disney.. Belle she is my girl though. That movie makes me cry each and every time. I even collect Belle things, I have a ceramic table with the rose, I never take it out of the box though because of earthquakes here, pez dispenser, a ring and much more. I feel like a little girl when I find a new Belle thing!

I do ramble as usual

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