I’m wandering around. Wandering trying to find something that will settle me down. Something that will occupy my mind. I’m just listening to music and smoking the green and that’s it. I need more in my life. Those 3 days where I had to be around people was hard but it made me realize just how lonely I was. Even keeping mostly to myself I felt less alone than I do now. None of my hobbies are appealing to me right now either. Even writing this blog is draining the hell out of me.
My daughter gave birth to my grandson yesterday morning. He is absolutely adorable, I love the new technology. She’s being looked after by family & friends and I’ve been talking to her as well. I’m so proud of her. I’ll post pics soon!
Missed posting yesterday I think. I went over to the MiL’s way earlier than planned and then stayed later.
I survived 3 days of being surrounded by people for hours. I’m still glad it’s over though. I never really felt comfortable any where. I spent a lot of my time on the front porch by myself getting stoned. It really helped me get through it. It may totally fuck up my depression but it helps with the anxiety. Wish I didn’t have to quit it eventually, but I know I do.
Tonight I watched fire works.
I ate with family.
I socialized and acted fairly normal. honestly hating most minutes of it.
Today we are supposed to be visiting with the in laws and their family. I guess technically since i married into it, it is also my family. I won’t be around to post my log later but I wanted to make sure I at least posted a sentence today. I hate when I miss posting days, which is all of em dammit.
I have the sound turned off on my iPad, so no alarm.
I remembered now and it’s before midnight my time so I made it!
First day with the FIL, I made it through with the help of my little green friend.
Apparently tomorrow we are going to have to go to MIL’s for a dinner, this was unplanned but I just have to make it through this holiday.
A Bipolars Reality 