self

Not All It’s Cracked Up To Be

Living with my mom in law is not all that it is cracked at to be.

There are going to be times when there is conflict. Food, TV Shows, etc.

I can see the conflicts coming.

I love hanging out with her. I miss time alone with my husband. I miss being able to watch or listen to what I want.

I’m gettting pre-frustrated. Ya thats a word, now anyhow. lol.

Must breathe, breathe..

It’s Sabotage?

Today I am cranky, well cranky is not the right word. I am on the edge is more accurate. I have no patience for anything or anyone. Even writing this blog is making my fingers and arms feel weird so I want to punch the monitor.

Is it the Lithium? I used to feel like this when I was manic. I don’t have anything else though except the physical feeling of annoyance. I can’t do my Lumosity and I can’t play games, I was packing but that was starting to annoy the shit out of me too.

I realize that I want to blame the Lithium for everything. I think it’s because I am afraid of it working and afraid of it not working. Since I am use to dealing with disappointment. Blame┬ájust seems easier.

I am 99% sure that it is causing the itching and tummy troubles. The emotional, while it doesn’t feel like myself maybe it is. I am so pissed off though and on the other hand I want to crawl under a blanket and make it my secret fort no one can get into. I have to keep taking the pills at least until tomorrow. What if these don’t work. I am running out of options. I want to feel good again.. I am so frustrated and this feels horrible.

I mean this annoyance is physical not just mental, I can feel it very clearly in both my arms. Sitting still for any reason is just not good.. so I am going to stop writing and try to do something constructive so I don’t lash out.

Ahh the word I am looking for is agitated.. I am agitated without cause!