stability

I don’t know that this would have been as easy as it has been if we were in our house and I was alone. This has been pretty good though. I haven’t had a ton of anger or sadness about hubby being away and I’ve been able to sleep. All things that have been hard on me in the past. I don’t know maybe it is the meds working too. I seem to be on a more even keel.

I see my therapist tomorrow about a mood stabilizer which should also help with the mood stability.

I am thrilled hubby is coming home tonight. It won’t be until late but at least he will be curled up beside me when I am in bed.

I’ve been talking to my BFF about ADHD and wanting to work in the future. I really can only work from home currently but anything to help bring in the money again will be good. I hope I can avoid the phone sex but I think that I would do about anything if I could focus on it for more than 5-15 mins. I’ll talk to my therapist about it all though.

Really looking forward to tomorrow and maybe getting something else straightened out with my bipolarity.

My mood is better than it was yesterday that is for sure. I was even socializing in my game, making jokes. Definite improvement.

I have some horrible insomnia again but that’s okay. I sleep so much when I am depressed that I miss out on life and what is going on.

Tonight we had an earthquake in SoCal and it made our apt shake for about 10 mins, it was rather exciting and scary. I had a little bit of a panic attack because of it but didn’t take any meds, just breathed my way though it. I was pretty proud of myself for that. It’s amazing how much I freak out when I don’t have pills, yet some how much calmer I am when I know they are there just in case.

I think if I am up to it I will convince hubby to take me up to the forest. I think the dogs should be fine by themselves for a little while as I want to see a few things before I leave Cali for good. (or until we win the lottery and can afford to live here)

Speaking of which, hubby talked to his boss and apparently we will have the full details on Monday. We’ll see I am not going to hold my breath on this. I mean they need my husband to do his magic so I assume they are going to let us do what we want. We’ll see though. It’s so stressful for me to not be knowing what we are doing. Most would say the worst that could happen is things don’t change. I need a house though. I am so tired of apartment living. I am sure some of you can relate. I never feel like I am stable or can put down roots, which seems to be so important to our mental health. Stability, yes that would be nice.

Til tomorrow.