Zoo, Lunch and Relaxation

Today I went to the zoo and took some pictures and movies. We really have one of the best zoos, actually it was voted best zoo in america so there ya go. I took some little movies of big cats.

it was really stressful because it was so jam packed with people. Honestly a few times I wanted to run for the exit, but I fought past it. The exposure therapy is definitely working. I was terrified to go, I almost chickened out. I find if I push myself to do something I am uncomfortable it doesn’t turn out to be the nightmare I’ve made of it in my head.

I also ended up going to dinner and found a giant hello kitty pez dispenser, it made me so happy. I love hello kitty things. I love pink. I also got a little stuffed turtle cause I love turtles too.

Also I can paint in the dining room again!! Yay that means that I will have some pictures done for the walls when we move into the house and it actually feels like I am going to be able to get through the next 5 weeks and 4 days much easier with a game, painting, ps4. It will make time past so much faster. I’m actually excited about the future,

After freaking out and crying yesterday, I was happy. Today I am happy. I apparently needed to vent and clear my aura.. I feel so much better.

Enjoy the videos!

When A Kid Can Be a Kid

Today I decided to write on a lighter note. I was thinking about when I was younger before I went all crazy. I thought I would list some of the things I loved to do as a kid. Maybe you would like to think about this yourself, we all have some good memories, even if we are haunted by the bad.

Favorite Games:

The Floor Is Lava!: The funny thing about this is I thought me and my sister had created this game. However it seems to be a game that many kids had created or been taught. Interesting though.

Marbles:  Marbles was so much fun for me because little did I know it covered a couple of my needs, collecting and gambling lol.

Freeze Tag: I loved this game. Actually any game of tag really. The thrill of being chased.

Favorite TV Shows:

Electra Woman and Dina Girl : I actually have a dvd of this and watching it now I realize just how cheesy it was, but still adore it! I remember me and my sister would tuck our t-shirts into our underwear and pretend to be them!

H.R. Pufnstuf : Again I own this still and am not sure what I liked about it, though it still makes me giggle.

Wonder Woman: Sense a theme here? I did and will always love Wonder Woman.  I was a naughty girl who stole a giant comic book about her from the school because the library wouldn’t let me take it out anymore.

Favorite Sport(s):

Gymnastics: This was my favorite thing to do in the world, I did flips and cartwheels all over the place instead of walking, hehe. I did this for 9 years and it kept me happy and focused while I did it.

Track and Field: I’m short, and have always been but that never stopped me from doing long jumps, high jumps and hurdles when I was a kid.

Favorite Season:

Autumn: Has and always will be. I know a lot of kids liked Christmas but I loved Halloween more. (still do!) Plus I loved the smells and the cool rains. The crispness of the air. I never liked being too warm.

Favorite Song(s):

Billy Don’t be a Hero :

Da Doo Run Run :

Beth :

Favorite Place To Be:

This one is so easy. Outside!! Most kids when I was young, never wanted to be home. We didn’t have computers or Ipads and cell phones. In fact you had to call a landline and we could listen to each others calls without anyone knowing lol. I was outside as long as I was allowed. Even in the cold of winter I loved being out and playing in the snow.

What kind of good memories do you have as a kid?




Better Than Yesterday

My mood is better than it was yesterday that is for sure.  I was even socializing in my game, making jokes. Definite improvement.

I have some horrible insomnia again but that’s okay. I sleep so much when I am depressed that I miss out on life and what is going on.

Tonight we had an earthquake in SoCal and it made our apt shake for about 10 mins, it was rather exciting and scary. I had a little bit of a panic attack because of it but didn’t take any meds, just breathed my way though it. I was pretty proud of myself for that. It’s amazing how much I freak out when I don’t have pills, yet some how much calmer I am when I know they are there just in case.

I think if I am up to it I will convince hubby to take me up to the forest. I think the dogs should be fine by themselves for a little while as I want to see a few things before I leave Cali for good. (or until we win the lottery and can afford to live here)

Speaking of which, hubby talked to his boss and apparently we will have the full details on Monday. We’ll see I am not going to hold my breath on this. I mean they need my husband to do his magic so I assume they are going to let us do what we want. We’ll see though. It’s so stressful for me to not be knowing what we are doing. Most would say the worst that could happen is things don’t change. I need a house though. I am so tired of apartment living.  I am sure some of you can relate. I never feel like I am stable or can put down roots, which seems to be so important to our mental health. Stability, yes that would be nice.

Til tomorrow.


Online Relationships the New Status Quo?

This post has nothing to do with my mood but I am tired of complaining about how shitty I feel. So I thought I would ponder..

I’ve mentioned many times that my husband and I met in an online game, last post even. I know several other couples who met in the very same way and are in healthy loving relationships. My best friend is a person whom I’ve only spoken to online, is also bipolar and we get along fabulously. Do I miss the normality of one on one face time. Yep sure do. I’ll do that again someday but right now I think there are a lot of positives about meeting people online though. Being agoraphobic and suffering social anxiety, this really works well for me.

It seems to be the new dating thing,, e-harmony etc etc..  I think the best part of meeting someone online is that you don’t have to put up a front. Sadly most of these sites convince you to put up a picture to bring in more pokes and prods. I think that is a flaw in itself as we always put our prettiest pictures up. . We aren’t what we are physically. Though a more physical person might be more active, in the grand scheme you will one day grow old with the person you choose for a partner and you are going to be wrinkly and withered (hopefully a really really long time) so that substance of a person should really be something we consider before looks. Pretty doesn’t last forever.

Games (I am sure there are other medias, but my mind is blank) bring people together with a common interest in a very relaxed atmosphere and you get to really talk to people. Yep there are a lot of assholes and some creeps, my stalker introduced me to my husband, LOL. That’s  true for anywhere though, always a mix. I just think it is easier to find your life-mate doing things you love.

Now this might work well in the outside world for many. Not all of us have the luxury though. I think that being online in games, chat-rooms will really give you relationships of substance if you are afraid to step out your door..  *shrug*