Today when I woke up my direct TV wasn’t working so I had no TV. I was not in the mood for anything that I had that could be streamed so I spent most of my day on Facebook and listening to Pandora on my iPad.
I went for a walk around the block even though I feel like shit and caught two new pokemon.
Other than that it was a boring day. How I dread getting out of bed on depressive days. Which honestly seem to be every single day right now.
Typically my day consists of sleeping until noon and then watching the same 3 shows every since afternoon. It kills time until hubby gets home and sort of keeps me busy.
Weekends are much harder. Hubby is here but he wants to do things on his computer and shows that I have no interest in. I’d be fine with that if weekend TV didn’t suck when it’s not football season.
My house is a freaking mess. I need to clean it but am so unmotivated to do anything physical.
My shrink wants me to take my latuda and 2mg of Xanax first thing in the morning, it’s made me kind of sleepy feeling all day but I’m also restless. It’s a very strange feeling.
I watched DeadPool with my hubby and could not sit still for more than a minute, it’s driving me crazy.
I’m feeling so blah. My alarm went off in the middle of me watching TV. I set an alarm to write my blog everyday. I figure it will help.
I don’t really want to do anything. I don’t want to write. I don’t want to watch anymore TV. I just want to crawl into bed, I feel like complete garbage on top of being depressed.
Sometimes there might be a novella and sometimes it may just be a word or two but I will write every day again.
Blech. Least I accomplished something by doing it.
I’ve watched it from th beginning. I’m embarrassed to admit I’ve read every book and whole the show has gone to complete shit the last few years I was so disappointed how they ended it. I won’t say how because I don’t want to ruin it for anyone but omg it sucks hella balls.
Today has been interesting I am conspiring applying to work at michaels. I’ll see if this is a manic episode. I am feeling creative and I am wanting to do a lot of things but I don’t know if they are me. I love creating don’t get me wrong. It’s the other things that I want to do.
I am gonna see the chiropractor because I don’t know how I am gonna feel emotionally until I am feeling better physically. Fingers crossed I get in Tuesday as opposed to Thursday cause I am in sooo much pain..
Why does TV suck so much dick lately? Just saying.
*might accidently spoil something for the show Black Box*
I watched the new show on television called Black Box. I expected to feel a multitude of feelings about the main character as she is bipolar. We tend to get defensive and critical about people playing the roles we ourselves experience in life.
I was mostly interested in her behavior as she went through multiple med withdrawals. Was it written so that people who weren’t bipolar could experience the extremes we go through. Possibly exaggerated in some cases? There were several places I wholeheartedly agreed with having felt before and had responded in similar manners. I am usually fairly quick to high if I miss my meds for a day. At one point I was taking them every other day and it would keep me in a constant state of Euphoria. It wore off though and then I just had days and days of depression.
Hyper sexuality I have experienced this one a great deal. I would think myself the most amazing sexy desirable woman and no one could look at me without wanting me, man or woman. I remember how powerful I felt. I guess one would say super human.
Dancing to the music in my head. I do this often. I also often make up songs about everything. Picture Jess from New Girl. I’m am very similar to her when I am hypo-manic. Without the goody two shoes thing. I’ve never been a good girl. I’m kind but I’m not good.
Hateful anger.. I used to have this a lot. Its one of the reasons I tried to kill myself once.. Over laundry.. seriously..
I don’t hallucinate like a lot of people do. I have smaller ones but perhaps that is because I am almost always partially medicated.
The show made me miss parts of myself that are gone, but it made me realize that there are reason I take medications and I need to continue to do it for myself and my family. (hubby, dogs and best friend).
Either way it was an interesting watch and I will likely watch more..
Today I decided to write on a lighter note. I was thinking about when I was younger before I went all crazy. I thought I would list some of the things I loved to do as a kid. Maybe you would like to think about this yourself, we all have some good memories, even if we are haunted by the bad.
Favorite Games:
The Floor Is Lava!: The funny thing about this is I thought me and my sister had created this game. However it seems to be a game that many kids had created or been taught. Interesting though.
Marbles: Marbles was so much fun for me because little did I know it covered a couple of my needs, collecting and gambling lol.
Freeze Tag: I loved this game. Actually any game of tag really. The thrill of being chased.
Favorite TV Shows:
Electra Woman and Dina Girl : I actually have a dvd of this and watching it now I realize just how cheesy it was, but still adore it! I remember me and my sister would tuck our t-shirts into our underwear and pretend to be them!
H.R. Pufnstuf : Again I own this still and am not sure what I liked about it, though it still makes me giggle.
Wonder Woman: Sense a theme here? I did and will always love Wonder Woman. I was a naughty girl who stole a giant comic book about her from the school because the library wouldn’t let me take it out anymore.
Favorite Sport(s):
Gymnastics: This was my favorite thing to do in the world, I did flips and cartwheels all over the place instead of walking, hehe. I did this for 9 years and it kept me happy and focused while I did it.
Track and Field: I’m short, and have always been but that never stopped me from doing long jumps, high jumps and hurdles when I was a kid.
Favorite Season:
Autumn: Has and always will be. I know a lot of kids liked Christmas but I loved Halloween more. (still do!) Plus I loved the smells and the cool rains. The crispness of the air. I never liked being too warm.
Favorite Song(s):
Billy Don’t be a Hero : https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6cdFuMgMkBM
Da Doo Run Run : https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dj7nQ14iFwU
Beth : https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uABnCLr4Pp0&feature=kp
Favorite Place To Be:
This one is so easy. Outside!! Most kids when I was young, never wanted to be home. We didn’t have computers or Ipads and cell phones. In fact you had to call a landline and we could listen to each others calls without anyone knowing lol. I was outside as long as I was allowed. Even in the cold of winter I loved being out and playing in the snow.
What kind of good memories do you have as a kid?
A Bipolars Reality 