I Have No Idea How I Feel

I woke up this morning, sad as usual and dragging myself out of the comfort of dreaming.

Right now I have no idea how I am feeling. I am by myself and that always gives me a low gauge on my emotions. Interacting always brings out how I am actually feeling. Usually Jim brings out the best of me even if I am depressed.

On a good note I have gotten a lot done today.

  • I got some painting done.
  • I did a drawing.
  • I cooked some sausage for dinner.
  • I did some laundry.
  • I put laundry away and tidied my room.

I think that puts me a little outside of depression but it’s only 3pm and I’m bored and lonely. Laundry takes a while to be done and do the rest. I ran out of paint and can’t work on my painting and dinner isn’t for a few hours to finish it. I think tomorrow I’ll start working out. Today I am gonna just watch some TV and wait for hubby to pick me up and take me to Michael’s and the house.

Moods are weird. Wish I could read them better.

Zoo, Lunch and Relaxation

Today I went to the zoo and took some pictures and movies. We really have one of the best zoos, actually it was voted best zoo in america so there ya go. I took some little movies of big cats.

it was really stressful because it was so jam packed with people. Honestly a few times I wanted to run for the exit, but I fought past it. The exposure therapy is definitely working. I was terrified to go, I almost chickened out. I find if I push myself to do something I am uncomfortable it doesn’t turn out to be the nightmare I’ve made of it in my head.

I also ended up going to dinner and found a giant hello kitty pez dispenser, it made me so happy. I love hello kitty things. I love pink. I also got a little stuffed turtle cause I love turtles too.

Also I can paint in the dining room again!! Yay that means that I will have some pictures done for the walls when we move into the house and it actually feels like I am going to be able to get through the next 5 weeks and 4 days much easier with a game, painting, ps4. It will make time past so much faster. I’m actually excited about the future,

After freaking out and crying yesterday, I was happy. Today I am happy. I apparently needed to vent and clear my aura.. I feel so much better.

Enjoy the videos!

Somethings Abreast at the Circle Foot

but seriously..

Today I got everything arranged to get my breast exam and mammogram. They have 3D imaging now so that there is less likely hood of me having to have a biopsy for a cyst again. That hurt like hell. Tuesday I should at least know something I hope.

This weekend I am just going to pick out rock siding and paints for our house so that Friday we are done with everything and they can start building the house. I can barely wait.

Emotionally today was not bad except for the anxiety about my breast and there is really nothing i can do until a doctor can cop a feel, so I am gonna not worry too much about it.

I spent most of the day by myself which was weird but good but boring. It will definitely take some getting used to again. It was nice was MIL came home and we went out and did some shopping together.

Then i cooked us an awesome dinner of rib eye steaks, crab stuffed mushrooms and grill asparagus, low carb is definitely nummy and I’ve lost 5 pounds so far.

Nothing exciting going on though at least for now.