As you know I often complain of being lonely. I have no clue how to make new friends and I am pretty anti-social. I have two people I would consider friends. My husband and My BFF Dani. We don’t talk as much as a lot of friends. We are both bipolar and have always just disappeared and reappeared in one another’s lives. That was ok with me.
I was often afraid to reach out even though she is always supportive and tells me the truth as opposed to what I want to hear. She is the only person that I allow to speak to me this way. I love her very much. Yet I am a horrible friend. She is going through some very big stuff and I’ve been wrapped up in my own stupid shit. My stuff really isn’t that important.
When we do talk she often asks about me and doesn’t give much info on herself and how she is doing. I find it frustrating and it makes me feel selfish.
My friend has cancer, I’m depressed. BFD on my end…
Needless to say I feel like a shitty friend.
So sorry to hear that about your friend. Is there any chance next time you talk you could simply ask her, “How are you doing?” Whether or not she feels up to sharing much doesn’t matter. XOXOXO go easy on yourself. You are not a bad person for being like this *at all*. I can be the same exact way myself. In fact, I was that way was with two good friends who had breast and ovarian cancer….there’s nothing I can do to make up for it now, but I know they didn’t hold my self-absorbed behavior against me – they knew how depressed I was. Sorry if this doesn’t help much….I’m way out of it today.
So sorry that your friend Dani has cancer. Dyane gave some great compassionate advice. Take care of yourself. Don’t feel selfish. Just talking to you helps your friend, as it does you. The connection, the friendship, is what matters most.
Dy and Kitt are right. I would also add that as you are BFF’s perhaps lighten the mood by saying something like “cut the BS, it’s me so how are you really doing?” Yep, being blunt has it’s place.
Like you I have trouble making friends. But seroquel has helped enormously with that. Finding common interests is always a good starting point. It’s why I have my online friends now too! Cheers Dy and Kitt!
Good luck with it!