Bipolar

More Blah

Yep I’m on that steady decline. I missed my blog yesterday because I had company and my husband shut my alarm off again. Seriously his heart is in the right place.

I’ve been having more of my reoccurring depressive thingies happening, like foggy brain, tears, sluggish movements, sad scary thoughts, those classic whatif’s that I have talked about many times before.  I hate watching it happen and knowing there is nothing I can do.  I admit I can empathize most with my husband at this point. He doesn’t know what to do for me and feels helpless. He keeps trying though. He is so wonderful. Gotta keep focusing on the good.

Let’s see despite the depression I had a shower yesterday and today I made dinner. Not huge accomplishments but still I did not stay in bed all day and that is what really matters in the end doesn’t it.

 

Still Blah

It takes me forever to get out of bed once I wake up. It’s so warm and comforting. When I finally did wake up I asked hubby if he wanted to go for a walk. Then away we went for a walk around the neighborhood. I at least accomplished something today if nothing else happens I gotta keep this in perspective.

I’m considering giving up the weed again. It’s tough because it gets me through a lot of stress but it really is messing with my antidepressants and honestly which is more important at the moment.  I’m tired of being sad, I should be filled with joy about my grandchild.

Well off to find something to do hopefully.

Just Blah

I’m wandering around. Wandering trying to find something that will settle me down. Something that will occupy my mind. I’m just listening to music and smoking the green and that’s it. I need more in my life. Those 3 days where I had to be around people was hard but it made me realize just how lonely I was. Even keeping mostly to myself I felt less alone than I do now. None of my hobbies are appealing to me right now either. Even writing this blog is draining the hell out of me.

 

blech

I’m A Grandma!

My daughter gave birth to my grandson yesterday morning. He is absolutely adorable, I love the new technology. She’s being looked after by family & friends and I’ve been talking to her as well. I’m so proud of her. I’ll post pics soon!

Dang Life

Missed posting yesterday I think. I went over to the MiL’s way earlier than planned and then stayed later.

I survived 3 days of being surrounded by people for hours. I’m still glad it’s over though. I never really felt comfortable any where. I spent a lot of my time on the front porch by myself getting stoned. It really helped me get through it. It may totally fuck up my depression but it helps with the anxiety. Wish I didn’t have to quit it eventually, but I know I do.

Tonight I

Tonight I watched fire works.

I ate with family.

I socialized and acted fairly normal. honestly hating most minutes of it.

 

Visiting

Today we are supposed to be visiting with the in laws and their family.  I guess technically since i married into it, it is also my family. I won’t be around to post my log later but I wanted to make sure I at least posted a sentence today. I hate when I miss posting days, which is all of em dammit.

 

Almost Missed My Blog

I have the sound turned off on my iPad, so no alarm.

I remembered now and it’s before midnight my time so I made it!

First day with the FIL, I made it through with the help of my little green friend.

Apparently tomorrow we are going to have to go to MIL’s for a dinner, this was unplanned but I just have to make it through this holiday.

 

FIL Is Here

So far it hasn’t been uncomfortable but I’ve been stoned lol. That helps a lot. I ran out though again.. sigh. I wish I had my own plants, so I could just have it whenever I wanted it and didn’t have to trouble anyone else.

I don’t know how the next several days are going to go but I’ll ride them out cause that’s what I do.

Whats the worst that can happen anyhow right?