I’ve been reading a few bipolar support groups and honestly with how bad my depression is right now they just make me sad. The mania of the un-medicated people. The people who have virtually no depression.  the people considering suicide.. The spouses of the bipolars’ who are at their wits end. I don’t know how my husband puts up with me.  I can barely handle myself.

Going on 13 years together and sometimes I feel like the relationship is new and I am shy and fearful that he will leave me or cheat on me because he can get the emotional or physical support that he needs.  I wish I could just keep it to myself and let it eat me up inside instead of voicing my concerns to him.

My pills make it so that I don’t have much of a interest in sex, I am working on getting some medical marijuana since it brings it back and it doesn’t seem to mess my meds up, (which don’t seem to be doing much anyhow)

Right now though I am pretty depressed, not ready to kill myself depressed but lethargic and unable to find joy in anything. I am only posting today because I promised myself that I would force myself to do this, hoping it would be cathartic .. is it I don’t know.

I need to get my meds changed again, I’ve tried every antidepressant on the market, I thought I had finally found the one but it doesn’t seem to be working. I gets so tiring. I am so tired.. I just want to be normal and do normal things. Go out and walk in the sun, go to visit museums, theme parks, movies, dinners, feel the bare grass beneath my feet..  Ugh I think I am done for today this has gotten to sad……