I Thought I Would Feel Different

I thought that my emotions would be different. I thought that I would suddenly want to do all sorts of things. I thought once I was in my house I wouldn’t experience the depression. I was wrong.

I’ve been feeling kind of blah today. Things are still not completely put away and I can’t take care of them until some dressers and shelves come later this week. I’m feeling overwhelmed and stressed.

I thought that I would just automatically be happier. I didn’t think that the mood swings would happen so soon. I thought I would at least be able to ride the high of owning a home.

It’s frustrating. I want to be happy and relaxed. Stupid brain.

Fighting Anxiety

Today has been really hard and I have to admit I’ve been dipping into my anti anxiety meds to function.
My wonderful husband gave me a back rub and watched tv with me in the bedroom. He’s being very supportive. Yet he still said something that made me want to slap him hard.
Stop being stressed. Seriously stop being stressed? Omg is it really that easy. Here I go … Fuck you.

I just evil- eyed him and said seriously? I wouldn’t be stressed if I could just stop.

I’m fighting not going to to the closet and curling up in fetal position. I don’t even know why I am so stressed. I’ve driven across country before. I’ve lived in Omaha before.

It’s actually a really great thing that is happening but I am still freaking out.

I hate my brain pretty much every day.