Today I woke up in a bad mood. It just seems to be getting worse again .. I’m bitchy as hell and of course I’m taking it out on the one person who is always in my corner. He’s really pissing me off though.
Everything is pissing me off.
This blog is pissing me off.
Facebook is pissing me off.
LIFE is pissing me off.
So pissed off.. I need a med update..
45 mins to midnight and I remembered to write my blog, woot! Okay so no actual woot. I’m feeling super bitchy. I’m sitting here eating cotton candy and just feeling very frustrated.
I thought I might be coming out of my depression but I’m still finding it hard to find happiness. You know there are dribs and drabs here and there and I probably should just enjoy what I’ve got, but I’m greedy and want to feel more than a moment of happiness. I want a day, maybe a week. That would be awesome.
I think I need to have more meds added back in. I was hoping that I wouldn’t need to do that, but I can’t deal with bitchy. It makes me push away the person I love in the world. Tomorrow is another day.
I think I’m on an upswing. Not 100% sure because really what does normal feel like anyhow? It’s not like it is something I am used to.
I am being more active in things. Playing games and walking to catch Pokemon. Yesterday I spent hours watching a new anime. So hopefully that means that things are going to pick up.
I’ve made a decision that I am going to go on a road trip with my SiL and mom when my mom comes down from Canada to visit. We’re going to head to Denver and do some exploring and other fun things. It will be strange to do things without hubby but I think it’s going to be fun. I’m not gonna change my mind on this. So now I am really looking forward to October.
Can I do normal things? We shall see.
Since my brain has changed and I’ve had a full hysterectomy my sex drive is mostly null and void. I love being close with my husband so when we do have sex I like to think of it as something extra special. I usually end up sore afterwards and am reminded of it for a few days.
Today was one of those days that we decided to have sex, it has been a couple months and hubbies body didn’t seem to know what to do with the fact that it was actually going to get some. It makes me feel bad when he has erectile problems but what can we do, if you aren’t allowed to pop your head up, you likely would keep it low too. We did manage to finally get into it and I’m glad. I’m always glad afterwards. It’s the getting into it that I’m not great about. I wonder if hormones would help me.
I’m going to have to have my physical soon so I will ask then.
Anyhow at least today’s blog wasn’t about depression.
Today I am feeling a little better, though the fact that I have missed writing in my blog a couple times this week pisses me off.
I’ve noticed I am quick to get angry over the stupidity of humans. Like super pissed. Today this guy decided that a stop sign meant nothing to him, luckily for us we were moving at the right speed that he didn’t cause any problems. I flipped him the bird and shouted.. I’m so glad I’m not a driver, I might have run into him on purpose to show him what a dumb ass he was.. fucker..
Anyhow today I am spending the day doing thing that I enjoy. Like watching anime and playing on the computer with my hubby. There is a nice light rain and it’s comfortable, you know that feeling I hope?
Anyhow that’s my blog for the day and I’m sticking to it.
How do you ignore feeling emotionally and physically sick?
You can’t. You just have to sit in it and hope it will end at some point.
Will it? I don’t know anymore.
I’m tired. So fucking tired..
Trying to do things to keep my mind occupied. It’s not helping my brain is all up in my business… Fucking brain.. hate it.
A Bipolars Reality 