Sex Drive

Since my brain has changed and I’ve had a full hysterectomy my sex drive is mostly null and void. I love being close with my husband so when we do have sex I like to think of it as something extra special. I usually end up sore afterwards and am reminded of it for a few days.

Today was one of those days that we decided to have sex, it has been a couple months and hubbies body didn’t seem to know what to do with the fact that it was actually going to get some. It makes me feel bad when he has erectile problems but what can we do, if you aren’t allowed to pop your head up, you likely would keep it low too. We did manage to finally get into it and I’m glad. I’m always glad afterwards. It’s the getting into it that I’m not great about.  I wonder if hormones would help me.

I’m going to have to have my physical soon so I will ask then.

Anyhow at least today’s blog wasn’t about depression.

Date Day

Today I had a lovely day with my husband. The day started off with little excitement but the promise of a few short hours together. I was happy with it.

We had to go out and get wrapping paper for my SIL’s birthday tomorrow so we headed out into the sunshine and went to Target. After shopping at target we didn’t feel any urge to go home so we went to Nebraska Furniture Mart to dream about and price the furniture we want and need for our new home. Even though we can’t buy anything now it is fun to go out and enjoy looking at this and that.

After that we went out to lunch, the normal Italian place we went to was closed down for a while so we ended going to Olive Garden which we haven’t  been to in years. It was nice to finally eat a salad. Not something we normally  do but it was delicious and fun and my anxiety was actually minimum.

We got home a little over 4:00 and got to finally have some close intimate time. Shortly there after I feel into a deep sleep which was supposed to just be a doze but hubby let me sleep way to long and when i woke up weren’t alone anymore. Makes me a little sad.

Yet we had a good day filled with holding hands and laughter. 😀

So Many Canvases

Michaels is having a sale buy 3 canvases for the price of 1. I love it. I love knowing that I can explore my mind on canvas.

Lately I have wanted to paint more than I have wanted to write and I’ve wanted to paint something pretty instead of creepy or weird. I don’t know what is going on with my mind.

Lately I have really wanted to smoke some pot and just chill but no one shares anymore. Being practically a shut in doesn’t give you much chance to meet other smokers either.

It would make a lot of things Bette that is for sure…

I’m Too Old For Romance

So shut up and fuck me. This is the woman I have turned into.
As my husband lovingly strokes my arm I’m just not into it and say this is about orgasms not romance.
I love being touched don’t get me wrong. I could sit and snuggle for hours but I just don’t have the patience in the boudoir that I used to have.
Heck I am usually not in the mood for sex at all. Though in the past seven days I’d had it twice. Why? Purely selfish reasons. My own pleasure.
My husband will go weeks and weeks without anything then all of a sudden I say come here let’s do it. Am I ruining the experience for him and just breaking it down to the way a man wants it?
I so used to be into the romance and the tenderness but I just have no patience for it anymore. I don’t understand why. I honestly feel like a kid with ADD when it comes to sex.
I’m frustrated with myself because I want to want the romance. Not that hubby has ever been that great a romantic. He at least tried from time to time.

On an unrelated note yesterday I was in that super bitchy mood and still went out and took my pictures and something interesting happened. My bad mood went from almost getting out of the car to punch a selfish chick in the face, to being able to watch girls do what I call whore yoga in a park with amusement.

What is whore yoga you ask? It’s when young women dress in skimpy bikinis and the do head stands and other things that pretty much put themselves out for the world to see. Trust me girls that is not the way to get a husband.

Anyhow mood has been better since then. Not sure how it is going to turn out today but I’m curious to find out.