I keep messing my pills up cause my moods to be even more unstable. Mostly I am just sad all the time, but today I almost threw several things in a fit of rage.. Haven’t felt like that in a long time. I had to leave the house and practically speed walk around the block to calm myself down. The withdrawal pain and shakiness is horrible and I have a cold to boot!
I am mostly miserable with a touch of silly. Yep silly, I find some things funny but mostly feel grouchy.
I am not sleeping very well and I feel so out of control. I hate that feeling so much.
More notes on my mom and me. I think there is something wrong with me, I feel the need to give gifts almost for approval and was greatly hurt when I saw that she had given my younger sister the gifts I had given her.
I had a dress that I was saving for when I got to goal weight it was something I really loved. I realized that it would take me years to be able to get into it so last year I gave it to my mom, yesterday my sister was wearing it. I admit she looked lovely in it but I was so hurt. Then when she went out she just left it on the floor. So I did something horrible. I grab it and hid it where I can’t even reached it.
Do I feel bad, sadly no.. I wish I did, but it really hurt me.
I have no idea if I am just so uber sensitive that things mean more than normal. I mean I feel what I feel, I know I feel things way more intensely then a ‘norm’ so it is just frustrating.
I’m gonna go to bed and nurse this cold and wait for Friday to come.. God I want to punch someone in the neck!