Murder She Wrote

I am so moody. It is really pissing me off. I have gone from sadness to pure rage. I haven’t felt rage in a long time. I realize that it is good that I am feeling again. The numbness was unbearable! I think that having to learn to feel again is always incredibly hard. You don’t know if your medications are making any difference because they typically take 3 weeks at minimum.

I am sure if the antidepressant works I will still need to take a mood stabilizer just to keep things on an even keel. Getting rid of the depression just opens up all the other over the top emotions I feel. I want to get my shit stable enough to be able to at least work at a part time job.

I realized talking with my husband while we walked tonight that I am feel useless. I don’t feel that I really contribute to our lives. I know that I make him laugh and smile but is that enough? I am always making things worse. I spend money when we need to be saving it. I seem to always constantly be having medical shit going on. 

I feel worthless. I hate it 😦

2 comments

  1. It is more than enough. It is a miracle that you bring laughs and smiles to your husband in the midst of your rage and despair. To me, that means that you have great coping skills. You have a sense of humor. Your husband loves you. I hope that the meds kick in and bring you relief. Good job walking and talking with your husband. Both really good things to do to help combat depression and mood instability. Sounds like he has your back.

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  2. I’m right there with you. I know exactly how you feel. My medications aren’t working right and I’ve been fighting my urges to spend even when I have no money. I’m also having to fight the horror of hypersexuality.
    I’m not able to work, and I’m about to head back into the hospital. I’m filing for disability and SNAP benefits, and that’s made me feel beyond worthless and useless. I’d love to be able to feel “level” again, work, and support myself.
    While my marriage is over, I hope yours endures. Just keep communicating.

    I hope you get to feeling better. Just hang in there. 🙂

    Like

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