Whatif’s 3

As you know I am the What If Queen. I am always wondering what would happen or what should happen.

What will happen if they build the people’s house down the road faster? That’s my new one. We bought ours first, got the for sale sign first and even had our name thingy first. Today even though they were working on our lot they had finished preparing theirs first.

They are now identical. I mean we completely designed out house. We could have picked some fancier items, or harder to install things and they may get into their house first. They havent even gotten to the framing yet but this is stressing me out.

What if I can create a charity? Will I be able to handle all that might entail? I asked my husband to help me do research on who I want to give the money to. What do I want to support, mental health or just bipolarity. I have time to figure it all out.

I never believed that bipolars could accomplish anything. I thought I was doomed to failure all my life. Reading other bipolars blogs have made me believe I can do good things with my life and I can accomplish things. I will fail from time to time but I have to keep trying.

I can’t get rid of it, so I need to learn to live successfully with it.

Not Hating Myself

I often filled with self loathing. You’re fat, you’re ugly, you’re stupid. I could go on.

Right now I don’t hate myself I realize I have some talent. I can cook. I can paint some and am learning more. I’m not ugly though I really hate this missing tooth. It makes me feel like a backwoods yokel. It will be replaced though.

I am not beating myself up. It’s really surprising when I am feeling down. I’ve even managed to be intimate with my husband. That rarely happens due to the self-hatred.

I would say the Latuda and therapy are definitely making my life better. The depression isn’t as hard. (so far) I’m starting to think more positively and even though some crappy things have been happening, I’m dealing with it.

I’m still writing my blog every day and I’m still getting out of the house.

So once again fuck you depression. You are not gonna beat me down this time.

Oh and Misha Collins wanna help me set up a charity for mental health research. You do a lot of good work 😉 like you would read this, hahahaha.

I am thinking about setting up a charity for bipolar research not sure where to start, but this is a goal I plan to have.