mental health

As you know I am the What If Queen. I am always wondering what would happen or what should happen.

What will happen if they build the people’s house down the road faster? That’s my new one. We bought ours first, got the for sale sign first and even had our name thingy first. Today even though they were working on our lot they had finished preparing theirs first.

They are now identical. I mean we completely designed out house. We could have picked some fancier items, or harder to install things and they may get into their house first. They havent even gotten to the framing yet but this is stressing me out.

What if I can create a charity? Will I be able to handle all that might entail? I asked my husband to help me do research on who I want to give the money to. What do I want to support, mental health or just bipolarity. I have time to figure it all out.

I never believed that bipolars could accomplish anything. I thought I was doomed to failure all my life. Reading other bipolars blogs have made me believe I can do good things with my life and I can accomplish things. I will fail from time to time but I have to keep trying.

I can’t get rid of it, so I need to learn to live successfully with it.

I’ve never allowed myself to feel empowered. I’ve always sat by fearful of letting my thoughts or feelings known in case I was judged as crazy.

I’m taking control of my mental health and what goes into my body, I will feel empowered. I may not be able to be drug free in fact to be honest I am 80% sure I will need to go back to medications. That’s alright. For now I am going to let my body cleanse itself of the poisons that have been forced into it by each uncaring doctor that treated me like I am nothing but a number.

I am a number, number one. I’m not a faceless patient who can spoken to about generalized mental health care while not receiving the help that I really need. I will no longer sit there afraid about changes that are going on with my physically and mentally while doctors only have fifteen minutes once a month to fit me in. Screw that.

I’m taking my mental health care into my own hands. I am going to do what I think is right. It is my body and mind. I will find someone who will listen to me and work with me instead of trying to talk me into doing things I am uncomfortable with.

That’s not to say I won’t have break downs, but they will be mine. Not caused because I did something I didn’t feel comfortable doing. I will survive and fight all my issues one day at a time.