Today I am moody but I’m getting me some weed so I’ll be happier in a few hours. I think I’ll feel a lot better, a lot more relaxed and able to get into some music or TV. Right now I’m not in the mood to do anything, not even write my blog. So ya I think I’m done for the day.
Not sure where it comes from but it is certainly here. I guess I’m only allowed an OK day once in a while. Today I’ve cried over the world, the loss of my dog Ren and a few music videos that show what a sad state the world is in. I’m so sad about everything.
I suppose I should be glad that I just am feeling.
I gotta admit though I am looking forward to getting my weed back. I believe it’s been over a month or close to a month now. I’m going to be very high the day I get my weed. Very high.
I was watching some TV and playing some WoW with hubby and lost track of time. How am I feeling? Not great. Still feel like I am coming down with something and I made the mistake of smoking some weed last night, setting myself back some.
Tomorrow it is supposed to be all stormy while hubby is at work and I fucking hate it so much. I’m so terrified every time it happens.
At least tomorrow is Friday and I won’t have to be alone for a couple days.
Last night was fun though. I talked. A lot! I don’t do that very often, usually I am the one that just sits and nods and listens. I think it helped me some. You know in a therapeutic kind of way.
It was nice to have people around for a time and this weekend we are celebrating my MiL’s birthday.
As of this afternoon I am out of weed until October, who knows I might even feel comfortable enough to avoid getting it then. I’m depressed but we all saw that coming didn’t we. I could watch it happening and still the need to smoke overcame any want to get better, until now that is.
I am having a serious lack of motivation but have been playing WoW.
Don’t even know if I have been posting daily or not. I’ve been pretty much high morning til night. I hope I haven’t missed too much. I run out later tonight and then I am not getting any until mom comes for a visit in October. That’ll be a decent break.
You are still wrong if you don’t do something to change it right? You can admit it till the cows come home, big deal.
Smoking the weed and it working on my depression medication and fucking it up, but like I said what am I going to do about it.
Last night I handed hubby my weed and told him I don’t want it again until I ask for it. I’m hoping that disappointing him will be enough to stop this daily smokefest that I am on. The depression is almost fully here now.
Which honestly more often than not I suppose lately. It’s annoying and he doesn’t even rub it in. He just looks at me with those gorgeous blue eyes and I cow my head like a small child.
My plan is to not smoke any weed this weekend and just concentrate on hanging out with hubby. I forgot just how much I enjoy being with him till the month without the weed.
The depression is coming back again, It’s right there I can almost touch it if I reached out I’m afraid if would be even more tangible.
I had practically forgotten to run by my computer and write this very blog post. It’s nothing stellar, just that what I didn’t do with my days and whathavits . Occasionally I like to make up my own word I don’t know why.
Today has been particularly uneventful actually, though we might get storms and that would throw some much needed excitement to my day.
I watched the shows I’m DVRing to watch by myself and just kind of got high and chilled. The pot is definitely a mistake, one I won’t make again but this time who knows..
I don’t even want to be writing this blog right now. Yet I know if I don’t it will eat me up inside for missing a day, much like all the other days I’ve missed. I only think I missed on purpose once and it wasn’t going to be today.
I’ve done nothing with my day but watch TV. Nothing exciting going on.
One bad thing about this weed is it makes you eat.. A Lot..
A Bipolars Reality 