Today I started off by going for a walk. Didn’t want to do anything but needed to see how focused I am when I wake up and when I wake up and “bake”.
I haven’t felt like writing at all and normally I log in and at least put a sentence but I didn’t feel like doing it either.
I’m depressed. Am I feeling better, I can’t tell yet.
I’m super frustrated.
ACK!
Last night I sat watching people I love being around having a really great time but I felt like I was on the outside and just showing a mask to everyone. It was weird.
Tonight I’m just tired of this depression. Every day I hope I get better and every day I don’t. It’s a lot to take.
It’s very hard to entertain when all you want to do is be in bed.
I am also noticing that I am not enjoying being high as much as I was before. I’ll have to do some research on this.
I’ll let you know whatever I figure out.
It feels like I never am not anxious anymore even taking my 3 mg of xanax a day.
Tonight everyone is here for family dinner night and we are having what you should consider a nice visit but man I am thrumming.
I’m glad I’ll be able to get high tonight and finally not be able to focus!
Anyhow back to the family.
Today when I woke up my direct TV wasn’t working so I had no TV. I was not in the mood for anything that I had that could be streamed so I spent most of my day on Facebook and listening to Pandora on my iPad.
I went for a walk around the block even though I feel like shit and caught two new pokemon.
Other than that it was a boring day. How I dread getting out of bed on depressive days. Which honestly seem to be every single day right now.
Yesterday I started my new meds. Needless to say I’m depressed still. Don’t expect much, Ran out of weed.
It’s gonna be a rough couple of days.
Might be a good thing, might not. We’ll see.
I don’t have much to entertain my mom.
A sentence is a good start to having something to write. All I have is that sentence though.
I did some laundry yesterday but did nothing today but chill. I figure my mom will keep me busy over the next month after she gets here.
Chilling is OK. Sometimes you just have to smoke and relax and not worry about everything else going on. I’m still depressed really need to start the new meds.
I want to do some things, does that mean the depression is leaving? I dunno, I’m not actually motivated enough to do anything of the things I want to do.
Need to get ready for mom, since she will be here in less than a week. So need to dust and vacuum the guest bedroom and bathroom. I just need to get off my lazy ass.
6 days and counting.
My mom is going to be here in a week. She’ll stay for a month or so. Usually we have a pretty good hang. I’m looking forward to it actually. I’m even looking forward to my trip to Colorado but still terrified, you know THAT feeling.
Haven’t felt motivated today at all, just am honestly blogging because I thought of it. I don’t want to be a quitter. I do enjoy writing about how I am feeling. Right now I am feeling umm trapped kinda, it’s weird. Though since I rarely go outside, I can truly understand why I would feel that way.
Depression is lingering, not motivated like I said before. Like right right there…^
It’s almost time for me to start my new meds, I think I start tomorrow. I’m so nervous.
Again I didn’t feel like writing my blog but hubby mentioned it so that kind of put me here.
I accomplished nothing today but being stoned. At least I’m alive.
Today is not one of my best. I’m depressed but with my little green friend I kind of feel immune to it, sitting on the edge wanting it to dare poke it’s head through. That’s the best way I can think of to describe how I’m feeling right this very instant. Plus my damn back is killing me. Spending to much time slouched over I guess.
I’ve played some WoW with hubby today and last night cause I still want to do stuff even if I don’t want to do stuff. I think a lot of people could understand.
Depression sucks balls.
A Bipolars Reality 