I have no idea what is going on with me. We started picking out things for the house today. You know like layout and such. The more I did it the more miserable I got. I think it is a combination of being afraid to be happy and the reality of the fact I will be here for quite some time.
Anyhow I don’t feel like writing and I am just gonna go to bed. 😦
So today was an amazing day! 🙂 First off the shrink was amazing, she just gave me some additional medication to help with my social anxiety (propranolol). She also thought that ECT is a great option for me and is going to get that all set up. She wants to deal with the anxiety first because in her words, she wants to make sure I show for the ECT appts. I agree with her on that.
The appt with the therapist also went really well, we talked about my insecurities and where that may stem from and how my negative thoughts were now habit because my husband really hasn’t done anything to make any of them a fact.
It’s funny my BFF talks about creating habits and what I need to start doing it breaking them. That should be interesting. I look forward to it a lot.
The other great thing that happened is we can start moving forward in getting out house built. We start the process on Saturday!!! I am so thrilled. It was nice to have a good day for a change.
Also I went out for lunch and I went out for dinner and went into the pharmacy alone. I rocked it.
This will be my last blog written on my computer until we buy a house which will be October. We want to be in by Halloween as it is my favorite holiday and I want to be able to decorate. Almost all of our stuff is going into storage until then.
I won’t stop posting but I will be using my IPad or my laptop to write on moving forward so most of the posts are not likely to be perfectly edited. While on the road the next few days I will likely be making very short posts, we want to get to Omaha as soon as possible so it will be post, sleep, drive, mix, repeat.
I am super stressed out today. In fact as I write this I am having a lot of dissociative feelings. I feel like my head is under the sea.. Everything just doesn’t feel right. I hate that, but what are you going to do right? I’ve taken my antianxiety meds and am mostly just trying not to curl up. It’s my natural reaction. My body shuts down and wants to go to sleep to avoid everything.
Not really something I can do though. The movers will be here in a little over 12 hours and then we will be on the road for 6-8 hours then 2 more days of 8-10 hours, something like that. I takes a while to drive there and there looks like there is going to be weather.. Scary.. fucking weather. I miss it but not the scary stuff, I just hope we are safe. I want to get Omaha with as little stress as possible.
Wish me luck ..
A Bipolars Reality 