Well since I’ve been writing for a full year and two days. I plan to keep writing every day this year as well. I hope that I can get up two years. I might miss a day or two when I move but I hope to find wifi I can hook into to at least post something.
My mood today is anxious. I haven’t been able to completely relax and I can feel that I could easily lose my temper. I’m what I like to call itchy, not quite bitchy but the itch is there. I don’t want to do things I don’t want do. I don’t want to be told my opinions don’t matter. I don’t want to listen to what other people have to say. I know these things will bring out the capital B.
I’m trying to keep my temper. I am trying to remain calm.
I’m not feeling great physically. I’m not feeling great emotionally. I am anxious about our trip. I’m anxious about feeling bad and I feel like all my nerves are on edge. I hate this feeling.
Maybe it will be better tomorrow.. maybe..
Sometimes it’s good to say no to yourself and talk yourself out of things. Like last night at 3am I woke up and wanted candy corn so I went half asleep stumbling down the stairs to grab a handful. I felt guilty about it all day. It was my first cheat on my diet. I know it wont be my last but I realize it will happen again. I’ve been pretty good though.
Saying no to myself because of fear or anxiety is such a bad idea though. Every time I get nervous I want to not do something. For example I got a little nervous about going to lunch yesterday and today yet I went out both days. I decided my anxiety isn’t going to control me anymore.
Tomorrow night will be the true test when I go out to one of the Halloween events that are going on around Omaha. There are several and I am going to one no matter how hard it is. Even if it is the one I am familiar with. I have to keep moving forward. Life is short and I won’t say no to myself anymore.
Well unless it is about food. No sugar, no caffeine, no high fats…
Time to say yes to being in shape and being sexy and liking myself.
Time to say yes to going out and not caring what others think.
No more no….
I’m nervous and don’t feel like talking about it.
Therapy was good.
Shrink was good.
Today with mom was awesome and fun.
Tomorrow will happen.