I want to do some things, does that mean the depression is leaving? I dunno, I’m not actually motivated enough to do anything of the things I want to do.
Need to get ready for mom, since she will be here in less than a week. So need to dust and vacuum the guest bedroom and bathroom. I just need to get off my lazy ass.
6 days and counting.
My mom is going to be here in a week. She’ll stay for a month or so. Usually we have a pretty good hang. I’m looking forward to it actually. I’m even looking forward to my trip to Colorado but still terrified, you know THAT feeling.
Haven’t felt motivated today at all, just am honestly blogging because I thought of it. I don’t want to be a quitter. I do enjoy writing about how I am feeling. Right now I am feeling umm trapped kinda, it’s weird. Though since I rarely go outside, I can truly understand why I would feel that way.
Depression is lingering, not motivated like I said before. Like right right there…^
It’s almost time for me to start my new meds, I think I start tomorrow. I’m so nervous.
Again I didn’t feel like writing my blog but hubby mentioned it so that kind of put me here.
I accomplished nothing today but being stoned. At least I’m alive.
I’m finding it super tough to find the joy in writing right now. I don’t even know if I posted anything yesterday. I just post when it pops in my head.
I’m about to play WoW with hubby so I’m gonna go do that.
Yeah.
Today is not one of my best. I’m depressed but with my little green friend I kind of feel immune to it, sitting on the edge wanting it to dare poke it’s head through. That’s the best way I can think of to describe how I’m feeling right this very instant. Plus my damn back is killing me. Spending to much time slouched over I guess.
I’ve played some WoW with hubby today and last night cause I still want to do stuff even if I don’t want to do stuff. I think a lot of people could understand.
Depression sucks balls.
Despite going on the weed while I go off my meds. I’m starting to feeling miserable again.
I have no motivation and my mom is going to be here in less than 2 weeks and I need to get the house in order. Ugh.
I wish that I felt better. I’m so afraid of going on a brand new pill. Blech.
I didn’t write a blog yesterday because I plain didn’t want to. I wasn’t in the mood to do a damn thing. Not much in the mood for writing today either but I hate to miss so many days so close together. Someone might actually read what I say. I dunno why, I feel like a dumb fuck. I feel terrified about going on the new antidepressant. Needless to say I’ve been all kinds of blah.
Blah.
So today I went to my shrinks and she changed my meds. I am going off the latuda, down to 40 mgs for four days, than 20 mgs for four days. Than I start taking rexulti. I don’t know if it is going to do any better and I’m super nervous, changing meds is always very scary .
I trust her though. So it’s going to be ok.
I was too stoned and forgot to write my blog again.. or maybe I did… nah I didn’t.
Today was productive. I’ve had a shower, washed some clothes and working on cleaning the bedding right now. Well drying it. I went out to Michael’s to get some Halloween decor for our island in the kitchen and I also went to best buy to replace my speakers.
I also haven’t smoked yet. So productivity first, smoking after.
I had a good time last night though, hung out with hubby watching the last season of Netflix New Girl. I’m not sure how far behind we are now, but it was wonderful anyhow.
My mood has definitely been up and I think it’s the weed. It’s mixing with my antidepressants just right..
A Bipolars Reality 