Bipolar

Third Session

This session was way better than number two. There still was a little dizziness when I closed my eyes, but the room wasn’t spinning. About halfway through I started smiling and really enjoying my music. I am not a person who can sit still. I think it’s because of my ADHD honestly, but I really wanted to dance.

I texted my husband and my mom to kind of keep myself in check.

Today I feel a little off kilter, but I jumped out of bed and turned my tunes on and started singing and dancing. I mean what’s up with that. I’ve basically been feeling little to nothing for the last 6 months. I hide it well because otherwise my husband wants to help and most of the time he can do nothing but give me cuddles and love. Though there is nothing wrong with that. His hugs are like heaven.

I don’t go back until Weds but if anything changes with me, I will come and tell y’all about it.

First Session

Thanks to my anxiety I arrived at my shrinks place nauseated and a little jittery. I should have taken a Xanax or something before I started but I know well enough for next time.

The actual session took a while to start because my blood pressure started off pretty high due to the anxiety. I did finally get down to a great blood pressure and I was given the ketamine in two doses. It didn’t burn my nose which I was expecting. The after taste was not great though. Luckily they had hard candies to suck on to get rid of it.

About 30 minutes in I felt a wave of warmth spread through my body and I felt happy listening to the music I bought. It was this really cute korean band. Stray kids. You should check them out. I might need to bring something more relaxing next time because I kept wanting to get up and dance. Maybe some disturbed for next one.

Afterwards I was fine, I little wobbly but we went out to the casino and by the time we got there. About 25 mins, I felt like myself.

I’m really looking forward to the next one. Being able to go off several of my meds would be amazing.

Ketamine

Tomorrow I will be starting a journey. I am having ketamine treatments. I’m super nervous about it but I realized it could make a huge dent in my depression. I guess that it may be used for other things, I don’t really know about those things. I only have a smidgeon of what it may be like. As I learn more, I’ll share it here. I hope I will be able to share enough information.

Doing Some Exposure Therapy

Last weekend I did a lot of stuff that I didn’t think I could never do again. Went to a family get together, went to the casino and I went to the opening of our YMCA. We also went out to dinner which was nice. Then I got sick and haven’t really done anything this week.

I asked hubby if he wanted to go on a date this weekend. I am planning on going to Dave and Busters because we have such good memories and I think it would be a fun thing to do.

I don’t know how often I’ll be blogging. I suppose it depends on my moods. Feels good to write again though.

I’m Not A Horder

I get manic and I collect things and shop. Clothes, makeup, paints and nail polish stickers. I use all of them quite often except for the clothes.

I’m going to try and rectify that this weekend. Just put my head down and buckle up.

I just wanted to write tonight, I want to get back into, blogging but I can’t sit my ass down and just focus on anything.

Getting Older

I’m 53 years of age. I know that I should be an adult but I just don’t feel like I am one.

Almost every night I wake up and can’t go back to sleep for 3 hours or more. This makes me dull all through the next day. I can’t really focus on things like I used too.

I just figured out how to save my ass and pay for these cards I just bought without pissing off hubby.

I think that I am a little manic as I am making decisions rabidly. That’s never good.

Another Day At Another Time

Right now, things are going pretty well. I’m still kind of really having problems writing my blog.

I’ve started doing exposure therapy to solve this damn agoraphobia. It’s not going to bad. I am most anxious when I am in the car. Nebraska drivers suck.

I’m really tired of not sleeping through the night. It happens about 5 days a week. I used to come upstairs in my recliner and pass out, but the chair broke so I have to buy a new one. We did buy a weighted blanket that promptly dropped 100’s of tiny beads all over the bed. I did sleep through the night though, so we are getting a new one.

Well, I’m going to go now. I’ll write again soon.

Starting To Write Again

If you’ve read my blog, you know it’s been quite a while since I’ve last written anything.

Last night me and the hubby were having a conversation about it, and he said to me, just do it. We went back and forth, and I really didn’t have a reason for not doing it.

I’ve felt frozen trying to do anything. Even right now as I write this, I’m having to really push it out.

My meds are working pretty well. The depression is not sticking around as long as it usually does. It’s only happening 4-7 days as compared to the usual months. My mania is coming around a little more often and I need to watch out for my usual behaviors.

Anyhow I’m going now. I hope I’ll be back tomorrow.

A Little Bit Manic and a Whole Lot Happy.

The negative to being manic is I am getting very little sleep. The good thing is, is that I am happy. So happy, it’s weird. I keep finding myself staring at hubby when he’s not looking and grinning my ass off.

Another good thing is I’m feeling feelings. I’m not super numb like with the depression. Man I hate the depression.. No point in worrying about it till it gets here though.

A Little bit Manic

I’m a little manic. Not in the crazy way but in I want to do something but can’t focus on one thing. So I’m blogging for starters.

Yesterday I painted a couple paintings. Eventually I’ll upload them so you can see what I do.

Several weeks ago someone asked me to appear on their podcast and I’m still thinking about it. I’m so flattered. The last podcast I did was when I was still doing phonesex for a job. So it would be nice to do it for something else.

I really do want to start posting on my blog more frequently but for some reason I’ve had severe writers block. I’m thinking that since I have gone off the wellbutrin things will be better. You know writing, sex, painting… All good things. Wish me luck!