worry

Still Gloomy

I’m still experiencing the blues and now I am also scared to be alone.

There is a van driving around the neighborhood with a freezer on the back for several days. The housing association has been sending out emails warning people. It makes me nervous just being here by myself. I’m kind of stuck here doing nothing and letting my thoughts wander around in circles.

Can’t wait for 5:00pm to come along so hubby will be home and I’ll be able to relax and just worry about the roadtrip. I love roadtrips so the stress for that will be a lot less.

I would really like a happy day, it’s been over a week now.. dammit.

Grapefruit!!!

So far the not taking anything is going ok. I am not having any weird withdrawal from the Lithium. I am still getting weepy once in a while but that started before I stopped taking it and may be more linked to my depression. Maybe I’m just feeling things, who knows.

I went out for a walk around the block by myself it’s about a mile and it seemed longer while I was walking it. I had on my iPhone listening to applause by Lady GaGa. It made me walk like a runway model. On the outside I would appear perfectly normal to people. On the inside well I am always fighting with myself as long I don’t start arguing with myself I am good lol.

It’s a beautiful day, I plan to go to the beach later, hopefully at sunset to get some nice pictures. I am really proud of myself for going out. It’s hard every time I take a step out of that door but I know it will get easier in time with practice.

The positive thing about being off of drugs is that I can have GRAPEFRUIT!!! I have missed it so much. It interacts with everything so to be able to sit down with a half a grapefruit and a spoon will be positively delightful.  I am picking some up tonight!

Friday hubby found out he is going to have to go out of town on the 11th-13th. I’m not happy about it. I’m stressed out about it. What if something happens to me emotionally. What if I have a breakdown? What if, what if?

I’ll deal with it though. I will post on my blog and remember that I am not truly alone. What a bad time to run  out of weed.. but what are you going to do right?

Goooo Grapefruit.