Missed posting yesterday I think. I went over to the MiL’s way earlier than planned and then stayed later.
I survived 3 days of being surrounded by people for hours. I’m still glad it’s over though. I never really felt comfortable any where. I spent a lot of my time on the front porch by myself getting stoned. It really helped me get through it. It may totally fuck up my depression but it helps with the anxiety. Wish I didn’t have to quit it eventually, but I know I do.
I have the sound turned off on my iPad, so no alarm.
I remembered now and it’s before midnight my time so I made it!
First day with the FIL, I made it through with the help of my little green friend.
Apparently tomorrow we are going to have to go to MIL’s for a dinner, this was unplanned but I just have to make it through this holiday.
It always seems like the day after I make some good accomplishments my brain decides to beat me up with all it’s negativity.
I hate my brain so damn much. I would trade it in a heart beat if I could still remember the people I loved.
My SIL invited me out tonight to a bar to meet with her new friend and some other friends. Not really in my comfort zone right now. Not with hubbies dad coming in tomorrow. ACK!
Today started off on a weird start. SIL stopped by and got me out of bed, then we proceeded to have a few beers. I don’t think I felt straight for longer than 10 mins this morning. I feel super weird now.
I’m just listening to music and smoking weed by myself now. Just kind of relaxing before next week when the father in law and a bunch of family come to town for the fourth of July. I’m super stressed about it unless I am listening to music than I’m not thinking about it.
I’m in a pretty good mood over all, it’s a nice change.
Interaction always helps with my mood.
I have decided to give up meat. I just like animals too much. I don’t enjoy the thought of them suffering so I can eat. There are tons of things for me to eat that don’t involve something getting hurt.
Hubby is at a steak house tonight for work. I swear he waited until I made up my mind to tell me lol. the shit.
It’s been a very lonely day.
SIL went out tonight so she’s not coming by. I could have had MIL over but she deserves some time to herself. Everyone that doesn’t constantly have it, needs it.
I’m trying to lose weight. I’m trying really hard not to eat sweets but damn I want some cake. Been craving it all day. Lucky for me there is nothing within walking distance, I might have walked for it lol.
Today has been pretty uneventful.
Yesterday my sister in law invited me to a little gathering she is having Sunday, I’m actually thinking about going as it will be good practice for the fourth.
Hubby doesn’t want me drinking anymore so it might be hard though.
I’m in such a bad mood and I’m angry. I have no idea why, well other than my dealer sucks right now..
Supposed to be family night but mom in law is watching the niece and sis in law hasn’t shown or answered my text. Nothing is going right today.
I could punch someone.. Actually I am going to go and punch the shit out of my punching bag. later…
My alarm went off and instead of hitting snooze or writing the blog I just shut it off. I was hanging with my sis in law, drinking and listening to tunes. I was relaxed and didn’t want to get out of the zone.
I almost didn’t write today but I certainly don’t need that to become a habit.
Today has been good, visited with sis in law a little today and mom in law is spending the night. Tomorrow hubby comes home.!! Yay!
Tonight is the night mom & sis in law come over for dinner. I’m actually looking forward to seeing some people. I have been dreading it before now.
Physically I am starting to feel a little better. It’s nice to not wake up with a head full of cotton for a change. My allergies are so shitty.
Today I’ve swept the front porch and ordered my new cell phone. I rocked that call. I was funny and outgoing it seemed like I was a completely different person.. Well I’m always a little funny. 😛
I’ve decided when I get my new phone I will start going out at least once a day and taking a picture of whatever I see. So there will likely be photos along with my blog posts. I’m posting the idea here because it makes me more accountable. Me and my BFF did this once before. It was on my other blog, but I’m trying to work on just this one for now.
I miss her so much. She was so good at kicking my ass and keeping me motivated. I want to do this for her, I want her to see from where ever she is now and be proud of me.
I guess this will take a while for me to make it a habit. My alarm didn’t go off cause somebody shut the sound off on my iPad. That somebody would be me. 😦
Today has been uneventful so far, other than the ass kicking I gave myself for missing my blog. Shit happens, need to not dwell on it.
Today I bought some bracelets that support Saving Sea Turtles. I love turtles, I collect them actually. They remind me of myself. Sometimes I hide away in my armor too. Plus they are super cute.
Don’t think that we are doing Family Dinner tonight. I suppose that’s okay. Though I need to talk to MiL as I want her to sleep over for a few nights in June. Hubby has to travel and I hate to be alone. Daytime is bad enough honestly. Multiple days is really difficult. Nothing I can do though.
Ya that kind of wraps things up.
A Bipolars Reality 