Bipolar

A Little Better

Today I am feeling a little better, though the fact that I have missed writing in my blog a couple times this week pisses me off.

I’ve noticed I am quick to get angry over the stupidity of humans. Like super pissed. Today this guy decided that a stop sign meant nothing to him, luckily for us we were moving at the right speed that he didn’t cause any problems. I flipped him the bird and shouted.. I’m so glad I’m not a driver, I might have run into him on purpose to show him what a dumb ass he was.. fucker..

Anyhow today I am spending the day doing thing that I enjoy. Like watching anime and playing on the computer with my hubby. There is a nice light rain and it’s comfortable, you know that feeling I hope?

Anyhow that’s my blog for the day and I’m sticking to it.

 

How Do You Ignore It

How do you ignore feeling emotionally and physically sick?

You can’t. You just have to sit in it and hope it will end at some point.

Will it? I don’t know anymore.

I’m tired. So fucking tired..

Trying to do things to keep my mind occupied.  It’s not helping my brain is all up in my business… Fucking brain.. hate it.

 

Sick or Something

I don’t know what is going on with me but my whole body aches. I feel okay other than that. Well I’m also feeling the cold a little more than usual. I think I might be coming down with a flu or something. Maybe it’s just cause I’m in horrible shape and haven’t moved around a lot lately.

I got my phone replaced so I can go back to playing Pokemon and getting some walking in.

I am very lucky that my husband is going to have a four day weekend and I am looking forward to spending that time with him. Wow finally released it’s new expansion so I imagine that we will be spending a lot of time doing that. Honestly if my computer chair didn’t suck balls I could do that all day. I hope he doesn’t mind taking breaks!

 

I Feel Like Fail

I feel like I am really not worth much right now. My green card is expired and I need to get it renewed and we are trying to sell a house, which you need ID for. I thought I had until 2017, but I was completely wrong on the date and am now super late on getting it done. I hope that sending the paper work off this weekend will rectify it so I stop feeling like this.

I told my husband that I didn’t feel like my life was worth anything and I honestly meant it. I don’t do anything and I know that has to change but when getting out of bed is an accomplishment what are you supposed to do. Hubby thinks it’ll be another week before I get feeling better. I hope he’s right about this one too.

 

Almost Missed Posting

I was watching some TV and playing some WoW with hubby and lost track of time.  How am I feeling? Not great. Still feel like I am coming down with something and I made the mistake of smoking some weed last night, setting myself back some.

Tomorrow it is supposed to be all stormy while hubby is at work and I fucking hate it so much. I’m so terrified every time it happens.

At least tomorrow is Friday and I won’t have to be alone for a couple days.

Last night was fun though. I talked. A lot! I don’t do that very often, usually I am the one that just sits and nods and listens. I think it helped me some. You know in a therapeutic kind of way.

It was nice to have people around for a time and this weekend we are celebrating my MiL’s birthday.

 

Family Dinner 3

Yesterday I decided that I didn’t want to be lonely today. Most days I can’t do anything about it. Family dinner night though I can be outgoing and ask if people are gonna come.

Tonight my MiL and SiL are both here and it’s nice to hear conversation going on in the house. Especially since I can quietly listen and just enjoy myself. Which I am gonna keep this post short so I can do just that!

I Feel Like Pooh

Today I sat like a fucking mess and cried a good deal of my day away. It’s not that there was exactly a lot to cry over, it’s just my heart feels so torn apart for no goddamn reason. My brain feels like it is betraying me and I’m tired.

I hate this damn depression, it sucks the life out of me. I’m so drained but I don’t want to sleep because then I can’t sleep at night. I don’t want to be alone anymore than I need to because frankly I’m lonely as hell. So fucking lonely. No one but hubby to talk to and I have to wait until he gets home each day. Even with my sleep as late as I can thingy that I do, 5 hours alone is my max. Sometimes I feel alone when hubby is home because I have to let him do stuff to make him happy, he can’t just be thinking about my needs all the time.

Hubby did something sweet today, he brought me flowers and a stuffed turtle. The stuffed turtle was the amazing part. I collect all things turtle and trying to find turtle things especially in the middle of the country.

Just So Blah

I feel horrible. Physically and emotionally. I’ve had the chills on and off today. I slept until 1:30pm and got nothing accomplished.

I feel like shit.

I’m so depressed again. I hate it so much.

I have no motivation.

Out Of Weed

As of this afternoon I am out of weed until October, who knows I might even feel comfortable enough to avoid getting it then. I’m depressed but we all saw that coming didn’t we.  I could watch it happening and still the need to smoke overcame any want to get better, until now that is.

I am having a serious lack of motivation but have been playing WoW.

Don’t Even Know

Don’t even know if I have been posting daily or not. I’ve been pretty much high morning til night. I hope I haven’t missed too much. I run out later tonight and then I am not getting any until mom comes for a visit in October.  That’ll be a decent break.