Today I got all my Christmas wrapping done. Which means I also got all my Christmas shopping done.. Thank you Amazon!
I didn’t accomplish much else but one thing a day right.
Yesterday I went out to the grocery store and tomorrow I am going to my sister in laws for my nephews birthday. The holiday season has begun!
Anxiety be damned…
I almost dread the good days because I know they don’t last very long.
Yesterday I was in a good mood, I actually got some shit done around the house. I cleaned laundry, picked up some around the house and then spent the day watching Glimore girls and the occasional Boss Ross video.
Today I woke up and feel overwhelmed. I know I have things I need to get done for Christmas and for my father in law’s visit. He will be here in 5 days!
The house isn’t in that bad of shape I suppose. Mostly it’s little things. However it is the little things that make my brain overload and want to shut down.
At least I wrote my blog today.
Yesterday I had a wonderful day. I was happy! Yep that’s right HAPPY!. I forgot what that felt like.
Today I had a hard time getting out of bed though. I lay there for 3 hours just riddled with anxiety over nothing.
I think this new med is helping. I think I’m gonna need more meds. I don’t think the rexulti is going to do it all on it’s own. They even advertise it as something to help with antidepressants. So I wonder what my shrink will try to do.
Still feeling hopeful though.
It feels like I never am not anxious anymore even taking my 3 mg of xanax a day.
Tonight everyone is here for family dinner night and we are having what you should consider a nice visit but man I am thrumming.
I’m glad I’ll be able to get high tonight and finally not be able to focus!
Anyhow back to the family.
Today is the birthday of my BFF. She’s been dead for over a year so when her birthday comes up it hurts a lot. I miss her so much. She really knew how to motivate me.
MY visit with my mom is going OK even though I feel like I am coming down with a cold or something.
Saturday we are having a paint and wine night. That should be fun 🙂
Still taking my new meds even though the insurance company denied my prescription I will have to rely on samples I guess until we switch insurance companies at the top of the year.
Well that’s it, nothing exciting.
Forgot to mention I am non-stop anxious. Fun fun.
Went and got my hopes up again yesterday. I woke up feeling just as crappy today as I have every other day but with less stress. I should feel happy about that at least but nope. I’m fucking miserable.
M I S E R A B L E
fuck.
I Did it!!!! I made it through both days without anything horrible happening. I’m so glad that is over with. I even went out to lunch with hubby after like a normal person. I will finally be able to relax and not have to worry about anything for a while. They even updated my permanent resident card so I have a valid ID until my new one comes in.
I’m very thankful right now. For the people in my life. The wonderful readers who read my blog and just for being generally healthy.
It’s a nice change from sad and angry and stressed. I think that I will just enjoy the rest of the day without worrying about anything else.
I made it through the first day. We had our meeting and signed some papers and I even went out for lunch afterwards. It wasn’t as big a deal as my brain made it at all. Does that mean that I am any less freaked out about tomorrow? Nope! My brain just doesn’t work that way.
I am gonna sleep for a week when this is all done. I had to nap today after two nights of crappy sleep and I fully expect that I won’t sleep well tonight either. I’m sore from being tense all the time.
Not sure on my mood, I honestly had two xanax and a clonezapam for breakfast so I’m feeling pretty mellow. Whatcha gonna do.
I didn’t sleep very well last night, I wasn’t able to get past REM before I would be woken up by something or somebody. Then all today I had bottom issues. The stress of tomorrow and Thursday is really playing havoc on my body.
I’m so fucking stressed I seldom have a moment where I can relax.
I hate things that you HAVE TO DO!
I had forgotten just how bad my anxiety could get until this past week. At least it is keeping my mind off the depression which is still rearing it’s ugly head.
Blech.
My tummy has been acting up all day. I hate that I don’t feel well when I have to go out Weds and Thurs. Plus I am so stressed out. My mood has been meh. Not bad but not good. Feeling like crap definitely doesn’t help. I don’t know how much of it is in my head where I’m stressing out or what’s real. Between that and the hot flashes it’s just unbearable.
I did go out with hubby to pick up food today so that is my daily accomplishment. Feeling bad and going out willingly is still a lot different than having to go out unwillingly. I’m so dreading going out this week. I’m having nightmares every night. I hate my brain so much.
A Bipolars Reality 