Its 10:14pm and i should be heading to bed but i am just a little to stressed to sleep quite yet. I added a countdown to my first ECT appt and you’ll be able to see when it starts for me. I wish I could film the whole thing for everyone to see. I wonder if they would let me, cant hurt to ask right? I could get hubs or a nurse to record it.
Eh we’ll see. I’m gonna chill and watch some Sherlock Holmes then head to bed, see you sometime tomorrow, hopefully
In addition to being bipolar and a bunch of other psychiatric things I have GERD which is not fun. I was a very bad girl and stopped taking care of it which I think has been most of the reason for all my stomach issues of late. So I am back to trying to get that shut under control.
I didn’t go out today in fact in the last week I have only gone out twice, I need to fix that shit. I don’t want to be homebound again. I have to be so careful about that.
I did cancel my therapist appt this week but I will make some in the future after my stomach settles and the ECT is underway. I am not gonna punish myself too much for backing out, things are just really stressful.
I still can’t believe that I am starting my ECT the day after tomorrow.. Do exciting and scary..
The doctor doesn’t want me taking clonazepam before my treatments so I didn’t take any today. It was hard but I managed to go to the grocery store unmedicated.
Mostly I felt disassociated. You know that wonderful sense of unreality. It get worse as my depression gets worse and I fucking hate it. Feels like I am tripping balls when I am on nothing at all. I have to constantly ask someone if they are seeing or hearing what I am.
The depression is pretty bad right now. I suppose that should be a good thing since they are going to be treating me for it. I’ll get a true gauge of improvement.
I’m tired, I’m sore, I’m paranoid, I’m withdrawn and I’m hopefully going to get fix. That’s going to keep me going for now.
I missed my last therapy session even though I love my therapist, this week I am thinking of skipping again, it just seems to require so much energy and I don’t feel like putting on a face for my mom in law.
Maybe next week.
I went and got my EKG and my blood work and I get my first ECT session on Friday, then every Monday, weds, Friday until it does what it is supposed to do, likely 6-12 sessions, then maintenance if it works. I’m thrilled and terrified but looking forward to it.
I do have some kind of stomach bug which is making it hard for me to do any real writing, I apologize for the shortness of my blog.
Woot though
I’m really too tired to come up with a great blog post. I go to my ECT consultation tomorrow and I am nervous and excited.
The weekend was nice the first night we slept close to 10 hours, last night I barely got 4 though.. There was thunder storms and I was terrified.
Anyhow off to bed, will be more writey tomorrow.
This is just incredible. I had originally just started posting to post. I had only planned on doing one post a week but I decided it wasn’t good enough. I needed to post more.
Now here I am 200 posts later and I’m actually thrilled to have kept up with something this long. I hope this speaks to the way that I will be once my depression is decreased. I think it shows that I have the ability to do anything I put my mind too.
I have to remember that when I seek out other goals.
So yay for me!
It took me years to realize that many of my physical ailments were cause from my mental state. I never connected the fact that I would often feel aches and pains while I was horribly depressed.
Few people actually realize that connection, seeking out medical attention which uses their money, time and patience to come to no conclusion. I read this really great article on it
Here
It’s older but you can find a lot of material on it.
It’s really amazing just how crappy it can make you feel, it’s no wonder we don’t want to get out of bed and just sleep our days away. Who wants to be constantly sad and in pain? I know I don’t
Well hubby and I will be starting our little weekend vacation tomorrow. I am excited to spend some quality time with him. Though for some reason he hates the words quality time. We are leaving behind our electronics and just gonna hang. Sunday we finish another thing in the path to building out forever home. So it should be a good weekend.
Monday, I’m both excited and nervous about it. I have my ECT consult. Right after I made the appointment I had a major anxiety attack. Shouldn’t surprise me, it’s a good thing yet a big deal.
My depression is pretty strong right now but I am trying to fight it as best as I can. I think the hardest part is the way my body feels. I feel like I’ve been hit by a car and I have been hit by a car so I actually have the comparison. I could definitely live without this, it makes me want to curl up and sleep to avoid it that and the never ending gloom following me like a singular dark rain cloud above my head.
It will get better though. When you hit the bottom you can only go up or drown and I am not drowning!!
Yesterday was most uneventful. I did wake up so angry I could pop the head off a puppy, but it eventually passed. I know it was my mania coupled with the stress.
Today I went to get my mammogram and I am pleased to announce the girls are OK! Yay. They did suggest some genetic testing since so much cancer runs in my family so I let them take some blood and hopefully I will be better prepared going forward.
Last night I was too exhausted and pingbacked my other blog. I apologize for that.
I decided it was time to start taking better care of myself so I made a habit board, Lazymoan made cards but I wanted to make it like me, sparkly.
Habit Board
I think this will help a lot. My habit are hygeiene, taking the dogs out and exercising. 🙂
I’m off to do something naughty, eat angel food cake, yummy!
A Bipolars Reality 