Bipolar

Still Not Feeling It

I’m finding it super tough to find the joy in writing right now. I don’t even know if I posted anything yesterday. I just post when it pops in my head.

I’m about to play WoW with hubby so I’m gonna go do that.

Yeah.

Not The Best

Today is not one of my best. I’m depressed but with my little green friend I kind of feel immune to it, sitting on the edge wanting it to dare poke it’s head through. That’s the best way I can think of to describe how I’m feeling right this very instant. Plus my damn back is killing me. Spending to much time slouched over I guess.

I’ve played some WoW with hubby today and last night cause I still want to do stuff even if I don’t want to do stuff. I think a lot of people could understand.

Depression sucks balls.

Despite

Despite going on the weed while I go off my meds. I’m starting to feeling miserable again.

I have no motivation and my mom is going to be here in less than 2 weeks and I need to get the house in order. Ugh.

I wish that I felt better. I’m so afraid of going on a brand new pill. Blech.

 

Just Didn’t Want To

I didn’t write a blog yesterday because I plain didn’t want to. I wasn’t in the mood to do a damn thing. Not much in the mood for writing today either but I hate to miss so many days so close together. Someone might actually read what I say. I dunno why, I feel like a dumb fuck. I feel terrified about going on the new antidepressant. Needless to say I’ve been all kinds of blah.

Blah.

 

Shrink Visit

So today I went to my shrinks and she changed my meds. I am going off the latuda, down to 40 mgs for four days, than 20 mgs for four days. Than I start taking rexulti. I don’t know if it is going to do any better and I’m super nervous, changing meds is always very scary .

I trust her though. So it’s going to be ok.

 

I Admit It

I was too stoned and forgot to write my blog again.. or maybe I did… nah I didn’t.

Today was productive. I’ve had a shower, washed some clothes and working on cleaning the bedding right now. Well drying it. I went out to Michael’s to get some Halloween decor for our island in the kitchen and I also went to best buy to replace my speakers.

I also haven’t smoked yet. So productivity first, smoking after.

I had a good time last night though, hung out with hubby watching the last season of Netflix New Girl. I’m not sure how far behind we are now, but it was wonderful anyhow.

My mood has definitely been up and I think it’s the weed. It’s mixing with my antidepressants just right..

I Missed A Blog Dammit

I missed a blog cause I was stoned. I said I’ll remember than I didn’t.

Tonight I am playing with hubby before I smoke some weed cause it does make me a little dippy. I admit it. I mean that’s why there was no blog yesterday right? So we’re playing World of Warcraft, doing some raiding. I haven’t done that in a long time but I am feeling better. So the month without weed proved nothing other than I should maybe be smoking some weed. I’ve been in a decent mood the last few days and Weds night was awesome. Completely laughing my ass off till I cried awesome.

Tonight I’m just gonna chill and Netflix, HA! I’m gonna try and watch one of those shows hubby likes so much, so that I can join him for the second season. We’ll see if it’s something I will enjoy.

 

Moody

Today I am moody but I’m getting me some weed so I’ll be happier in a few hours. I think I’ll feel a lot better, a lot more relaxed and able to get into some music or TV. Right now I’m not in the mood to do anything, not even write my blog. So ya I think I’m done for the day.

 

Sadness

Not sure where it comes from but it is certainly here. I guess I’m only allowed an OK day once in a while. Today I’ve cried over the world, the loss of my dog Ren and a few music videos that show what a sad state the world is in. I’m so sad about everything.

I suppose I should be glad that I just am feeling.

I gotta admit though I am looking forward to getting my weed back. I believe it’s been over a month or close to a month now. I’m going to be very high the day I get my weed. Very high.

 

I’m OK

Today I woke up and I was feeling OK. Not great, not even good really, just OK.

Right now I have a headache from hell though so I’m not going to write very much.

Maybe the mood means I’m coming back around, not going to hold my breath though. Last time I thought that it didn’t happen.  Maybe it’s never going to happen again.. I don’t know I’m feeling kind of negative about the whole positive thing. Weird I know.

Damn my head hurts.