lithium

So Glad to Be Home!!

We went and picked our dogs up they had been groomed and our little Charlie didn’t even look like himself. So skinny without all his fluffy puffy fur.. Ren looks adorable as usual like a little ewok!

I was so relaxed the second we walked in the door and I got sleep and well went to sleep.. Sleep so wonderful!!!! How I have missed thee.

I spilt Dr. Pepper all over my keyboard and now am having to use an ergonomic(sp?) keyboard which I frankly detest it makes my hands ache..

I start taking two 300mg tomorrow, I am really nervous. So far it has made everything taste like hell.. Seriously gross, I may just end up losing weight which I can definitely afford to do..

Gonna keep this short tonight, still pretty tired and I just want to chill.. Thanks for the support during my Vegas Vacation, it really means a lot.

Sometimes I Amaze Myself

I felt that today was a really big accomplishment for me. I slept so horribly and woke up feeling poorly with some tummy issues. I was going to crawl back into bed and just give up. Instead I went out and ate at a restaurant, played some slot machines and walked probably another mile or so.

Got to see my mom in law and gave her the card telling her we were coming back to Omaha and she honestly screamed she was so excited. Makes a person feel loved. I’m tired and feel a little like puking but it was a good day all in all.

My hands were shaking pretty bad this morning I am assuming that it is because of the lamictal being gone.. I imagine tomorrow might be worse.

One last thing the damn Lithium makes everything taste like ass. It’s kind of pissing me off.

 

 

 

Tomorrow is Vegas

Tomorrow at noon we head out for the four hourish drive to Las Vegas. I am super excited about going, I am completely packed. Did some self loving, colored my hair a pretty burgundy and whitened my teeth. Girls gotta look her best right? 😀

I was in a pretty good mood today and I’ve noticed the last couple of days my brain hasn’t been racing as much as it normally does. A one point today though I started getting a little grumpy and the thoughts started stabbing me in the brain! I was pissed off, I really don’t want to be happy for the 3 days before I go to Vegas and then  have a down turn there. So I went and had a nap. Woke up feeling much better. Though seriously I could do without the headaches from the withdrawal.

Don’t you hate that the medications we take to make us feel better, usually have something that makes us feel worse at the same time. Especially when going off the damned things. I can’t wait to be completely off the Lamictal. I also can’t wait until I get the see the ECT doc. I’m very excited about that. Having to only take one pill to control the mood swings would be amazing!

Anyhow I am off to watch Game of Thrones and try to get some sleep before tomorrow. Talk to you then!

A Little Hypo-Manic But that’s Ok

I’m happy, thrilled, loving life.. I know it’s not real but that doesn’t mean I am not going to enjoy it. I am excited about the new regimen though. I could do without the head/body aches from going off the lamictal though.

I worry about taking new drugs, I always have this fear of having an allergic reaction, I mean we are literally a five minute walk to the emergency room so I guess I shouldn’t worry too much about it.

I have been a little itchy but I was itchy before I started taking medication. Honestly the sun makes my skin itch and it was hot, made me sweat.. I have to remind myself of these things otherwise I might stop taking the one thing that might make a difference in my future.

The new shrink called today to tell me my blood tests were fine and ask how I was doing and also to ask permission to talk to my old one. I told it was fine but that I was never honest with her about how crappy I was feeling. I don’t know why. I just happen to usually be in mid upswing when I saw her and didn’t think about talking about the way things were before that. Plus she was always so pleased to think I was doing well.

3 days until we leave for Vegas and honestly I am so excited. We may hardly leave the room but being in a clean place, no dogs, and having food delivered at any hour.. who wouldn’t want that. I’ll have to go to mom in law’s wedding but that shouldn’t take too long and if I am lucky I will get enough courage to at least go play the slots for a couple hours..

Slots are probably not the best thing for me to do but it is less addictive for me then shopping..

I bought a coloring book and a wedding card online and it gave me a little thrill which honestly is just ridiculous don’t ya think’?

Still Alive That’s Something

I feel better today then I did yesterday. I think maybe some of it is that a weight has been lifted from my shoulders more than anything else. I think as the stressful things start to get dealt with I will at least not have those things constantly stirring in my head.

Last night I read the side effects of Lithium on my medication pamphlet and almost didn’t take it. I mean most of it isn’t scary but there are a few things that definitely frightened me. I started to search the web on peoples reviews and realized I was only reading bad reviews which wasn’t going to put my mind towards taking it that was for sure.

I decided to be positive for a change and looked up positive lithium reviews. For the people it works for they have remarkably happy stories of returning to life as a fairly normal person. This gave me hope. Something I usually don’t partake in. So I took the pill last night and well it didn’t kill me so I think that’s rather splendid!

I am sure none of the side effects are instant but each day I take it I will become more confident in it. Know what I mean?

On a side note. My best friend and I decided that in two years we would apply for the Amazing Race together. We would work on both our mental and physical health and we would do this together.  It always helps to have a partner and having someone who thinks a lot like you can really help. We talk to one another like people are supposed to talk to bipolars, not like they feel like they should.

Five more days until Vegas, I am both excited and scared! Looking forward to it regardless 😀

 

Can I get a Wup Wup!

 

So despite all my fears about the way things would go, I ended up going to the new shrink.

Actually when I woke up this morning I had actually planned to not go. I was scared and I was tired and frankly I just didn’t want to deal with anything ya know?

Funnily enough though my best friend happened to be on AIM this morning and told me all these things I needed to get the courage to at least drive there. She is truly amazing. I wish we lived in the same state, I think we would be so good for one another.  Unless she comes to Omaha I know that will never happen so I realize that I am fortunate to have had a friend who actually gives and shit and doesn’t let me pull any of the stuff I do on hubby to get out of doing what I don’t want to. She always thinks I am stronger than I am. She see’s me in a whole different light then most people and when she said I could do it this morning. Well I couldn’t let her be wrong could I?

I decided to do something I have avoided until now. Even when they brought it up I tried to argue the point but after hearing some things about it I am going to be trying Lithium. I know there are a lot of bad things people say and I also know there are a lot of good things. Apparently even though it is the oldest Bipolar Drug, it is still the most successful.  On top of that I am going to be seeing an ECT doc and seeing how much they think it will help and hopefully in four weeks or so I’ll be going along that path.

It scares me but I have been saying no to this drug for years and I think it is time I finally gave it a shot. I think I might actually be pissed if the Lithium works cause that would mean I let one person’s reaction to it completely darken my opinion of it. I start tonight! I’ll be weaning myself off my Lamictal this week and staying on the Viibryd for now until the ETC guys and the lithium are in a place they are happy with. They want me to start seeing a therapist for my Borderline Personality Disorder. So I am glad that the doctors actually see what is there when I am not hiding behind a façade.

I’m proud of myself for a change.

*Now a quick rant which is not related to the above at all*

I always talk about how great my husband is. I tell this to well to everyone. He has problems just like everyone else. He’s a slob. He doesn’t like doing outdoorsy stuff. He can’t really fix things. He does stupid ass things that piss me off so much that I don’t even want to talk. Usually by pissed off I mean hurt. Today we got home from the doctors and I went to do something for a few minutes and I come back into the computer room and there’s this chick in a bikini on his screen. I am still not talking to him and it’s a couple hours later.  He knows how shitty I feel about myself. We have rules in the house because of it. Like no porn (that one he brought on himself). No looking at naked and scantily clad females or men, I don’t look either.

The fact we are not having sex at the moment really doesn’t help, it just makes me feel like if he does a little slip, won’t it be a big slip next? I’m probably overreacting but I’ll decide that when I am done being hurt and decide to talk to him about it.

*rant off*