Month: April 2016

Family Wednesday

I cancelled it for the most part. I called it off with my mom in law because she has been really negative lately and I need positivity around me when I am not feeling well.

I’ve played some games today just a bit at a time and am working on another painting. I should post some pics of some of my more recent paintings. I like to hear what people think and I know I am no artist so I don’t mind if people don’t like it.

I’ve been stressing about my shrink appt next week, then I finally said to myself.”Hey, it’s over a week, chill a little.”

I need to seriously chill and shut my brain up. It is constant and it is daunting.

Blah Blah Blah

I could not think of a title. Today I have not done very much. I’ve been kind of chill and just relaxing.

My shrink called today to tell me she would not fill my scripts again until I made an appt to see her.  So now that is coming up next Friday.

I played some World of Warcraft and am planning on playing some more later.

For now I’m just gonna try and unload some anxiety somehow.

 

Interests

I’m starting to have some interest in things again. I play about 5 MMORPG’s and have had no want or need to go into them at all for the past few months. Now I’m starting to feel it a little bit again.  It’s nice to feel something about something that isn’t super sad or boring sounding.

Today I am in an okay mood. Not super up but definitely an improvement.  Gotta take each not depressed day as best as I can, even if I am not up for much I guess.

 

Today I’m Feeling Regret

I’m feeling regret at harnessing myself to writing my blog every day. I know it is good for me though, so I will keep trying to do it.

I’m feeling regret at the fact that I can’t think of anything to say.

Today I am anxious.

I came, I conquered.

Saturday!

Today has been a pretty good day. I’ve been hanging with hubby and just having a general good time. Today I can say that I am happy.

I also got to visit with my sis-in-law. I love it when she comes over, it breaks my week up.

Tonight I am having olive garden at home with hubby, it might even be romantic, who knows.

 

 

Missed A Day Dammit!

I have an alarm that goes off every day to remind me to do my blog. Some days I don’t need it but apparently yesterday I did because I forgot to write. I’ll try not to beat myself up over it. It’s only one day.

Today I don’t really have much to write about honestly. Not much going on. The allergens are so bad right now that my head feels like a swollen balloon! Least my headache seems to be lighter than the one I had yesterday.

I’m not depressed today but I’m not exactly happy either cause I feel kind of crappy. Hard to be happy about that. I can smile though and laugh at things so that is definitely heading in the right direction.

 

Family Night

Tonight is family night. I love it when my mother-in-law and sister-in-law come over for dinner and a visit. I try to do it weekly but it hasn’t happened since St. Patrick’s day. No fucking wonder I’ve been feeling so lonely.

My sister-in-law is pretty awesome. I love hanging out with her. We talk and do artsy things together. Usually there is wine involved.*wink*

Anyhow I’ve been having a rough day but now it’s getting a little bit better.

 

One Thing At A Time

Today my husband tried to tell me that I was going to go to the store with him. Turns out he is concerned about me. I didn’t even realize. I just kind of figured he was into his own shit and didn’t notice just how fucked up I’ve become. He’s a wonderful husband, just not very aware of whats going on around him. If I decided to put make up on he wouldn’t notice unless my lips were whore red. He’s a man, what can you expect.. just kidding no one get uptight about it.

I didn’t want to do anything again today, but I had a shower. That’s a big one for me, especially when I am alone in the house. I usually ask hubby to talk to me while I am doing it.

As soon as it gets a bit warmer I am gonna have hubby take me for a walk every day, there is a dirt road I can see from my upstairs window and I’m very interested in exploring it.

Til tomorrow.

No Motivation

I absolutely hate that I have no motivation to do anything today. I did pick up a few pieces of trash that needed to get thrown out but that’s about all I’ve done with my day.

I’m still trying to be easy on myself. So I lay in a sunbeam like my dogs and sucked up some Vitamin D, get some help with the depression. It’s getting better but I am really looking forward to having some motivation again.

Half the time I just feel lost…

Less Than

Today I am less than depressed. Not happy but not as down as I have been either. So I guess it’s a tiny win.

Today I will be going out for the first time in at least a week because I have to pick up my Latuda. I really need to talk to my shrink about increasing the dosage. It might help the repeat cycles of depression that seem to be getting closer and closer together again. It makes it so hard to live a normal life.

Today I actually did some cleaning and sat through a whole movie. Which if anyone knows what depression is like makes these rare positive things. Hopefully this means my cycle is swinging the right way for a change!